#209 ‘If I know Brahman, why don’t I feel it..?’

A few weeks and even months into listening to Vedanta, it is common for students to say –  

If I know I am Brahman why don’t I feel it’? Or

‘ I know Brahman intellectually but..’ or

‘I understand the concept of Brahman but then what?’

Let me burst the bubble. These people do not know Brahman. They already are Brahman.

Am I playing with words? Not at all. 

Familiarity with words is not understanding.

They know Brahman as a word, as an object, as a concept which is not knowing Brahman at all.

Understanding the meaning of Brahman by excluding oneself is not understanding ‘I am Brahman’.

Then, what should we do? Understand that Brahman, the limitless being is free from being a doer, karta and an experiencer, bhokta.

If you are not an experiencer, how can you experience Brahman?

The one who doesn’t feel she is Brahman identifies herself as an experiencer – the one who goes through different experiences. 

For this person, ‘If Brahman exists, I must feel it. If I don’t feel it, it does not exist for me.’  

In other words, reality is a feeling.

What’s wrong with this? After all, feelings feel like the very fabric of experience.

If someone asks – How are you? You say – I am hopeful. I am sad. I am content. I am disgusted. 

I use the body. It is me and hence when someone praises or criticizes the body, I am affected.

I use the mind. The thoughts, feelings and memories are me and hence when somebody acknowledges what I feel or is outright dismissive, I am affected.

Since I am the one who experiences situations, thoughts and emotions I am the experiencer.

In fact a lot of us define ourselves by our events and experiences. Read the bio on a dating profile or even your CV.

Educated in x place,  Worked in y place, Married but willing to mingle or Single, VP of a company, love travelling etc.

We seek and avoid experiences depending on how they make us feel – we avoid places that make us feel unsafe, we seek friends who make us feel accepted, we switch to another activity when we feel bored.  

The identity of an experiencer is a well-entrenched one.

That I may possibly be more than an experiencer is puzzling.

Across situations we traverse the colorful landscape of all emotions – the yellow of hope, the purple of royalty, the orange of knowledge, the red of excitement, the blue of expansiveness, the green of tranquility, the beige of neutrality, the white of peace, the bright colors of  love are all an essential part of the human experience.

Feelings change. The limitless being that you are is unchanging.

And therefore, When you say I know Brahman but I don’t feel it’ you are speaking from your identity as an experiencer, a bhokta of experiences.

Identity is not reality.

Can you drop the experiencer, the one who has mistaken body-mind to be you?

Can you see that you are more than all the experiences put together?

Every night in deep sleep you are not the experiencer. Between two experiences, you are not the bhokta.

Can you see that all the experiences can affect only the body-mind and not the one who has the body-mind?

Stay with this understanding.

You are free. You were always free.

This is not a state of no-experience.

You the limitless being are present in all experiences.

No experience can take place without you

The waves in the ocean may be calm or tossing about but they cannot exist without water.

You are aware of the experiencer. What you are aware of,  you are not.

Stay with this.

You don’t have to stop doing any activity or going through experience.

Any experience is not opposed to Brahman that you are.

That you are the limitless being is your abiding reality.

It cannot be dismissed or negated even by you.

Stay with this.

Someone asks, how was your day? What did you do? I woke up early, lazed around in bed and before I knew it, was late for work. I hurriedly drank coffee, had a shower and sat for my first meeting at 9 am. I ate soft fluffy idlis for breakfast during the meeting and then wrote up the minutes of the meeting. I updated my colleague and planned for the week ahead, ticked a few tasks off on my  to-do list, spoke to another colleague again and shared office gossip. Then I took a break and sank my teeth into the delicious leftover pastry from the weekend, ordered groceries online, walked around at home, called my mother to check if she had taken her medicines, added reminders for some tasks to be done..

The various activites point to the karta, the doer of all activities. Whatever I am associated with is taken to be me. Hence the many self-judgments follow along with the struggle to be free of them.

You still are Brahman.

If you say, I know Brahman but what do I have to do for it?, what you have done is picked up your identity as a doer.

Nothing wrong with that.

Being the doer, the karta feels so natural that it feels like one’s identity.

But identity is not reality.

Are you aware that you are more than the karta, the doer?

Every night in deep sleep you are not the karta. Between two tasks, you are not the karta.

You can never feel Brahman because it is not a feeling. Brahman is you.

You do not have to do anything to be Brahman because it is not the result of a task. Brahman is you. 

Brahman, the limitless is one present in all the feelings and all your activities.

Since I still have to engage and interact in the world, what to do? One can be the doer and the experiencer without it being your defining identity. It is possible to identify with our bodies and minds – bahya and antah karana for the sake of functioning and still see that I am more than all of this. The fact that we can use them as karanas, instruments, means I am more than them. The body-mind cannot operate by themselves.  

It is just like wearing a uniform for the role that is required. To interact with others I wear the prosthetic suit of a human being and further take on roles such as parent, partner, work professional and so on.

And so, if you really know Brahman, you don’t seek to feel you are Brahman.

Brahman is not a remote object or an experience for you. It is you.

You always were Brahman through all experiences.

You abide in that as you navigate the color of different experiences.

If you really know Brahman, you don’t seek to perform any karma that will enhance your status of being Brahman. All the karma is done to loosen the binding identities of being the doer and experiencer.

You always were Brahman through all karmas.

You abide in that as you navigate the movement of different karmas. 

If you still have doubts, get in touch with a traditional Vedanta teacher.