#312 Desire – to fulfill or give up?
- Posted by SwaminiB
- Categories Dharma, Podcast transcripts, Vedanta
- Date 14 January 2025
- Comments 0 comment
Desire – does it bind us or liberate us? Desire – should it be fulfilled or given up? We do a deep dive into these questions in the light of Vedanta and are clear about what to do.
In the Lalita Sahasranama which is a powerful set of 1000 words in praise of the magnificence of Devi, there is a compound – iccha shakti – jnana shakti – kriya shakti svarupini.
Devi is in the very form of the power to desire, power to know and power to do. Here iccha or a desire is not merely a human impulse, but a sacred creative power.
It is the latent shakti of Consciousness to want, to envision, and to manifest.
The power to desire is a blessing bestowed upon every being that helps us transform potential into reality, imagination into form.
The thriving business now was once a desire to have one’s own start up.
The new vegan gulab jamun that is relished by all was once a desire to make a vegan sweet dish.
The joy of having a family was once the desire to have a child by both parents.
The music one hears on the mobile phone was once a desire to listen to music on the go.
The memories of the family vacation of three generations was once the desire to bring everyone together.
The tastefully done home was once your desire to have a place of your own.
In the Vedic tradition, desire is iccha shakti. It is not something to be suppressed or feared, but honored as a divine gift – the very shakti (energy) that propels evolution, growth, and the continuous unfolding of the being.
The Vedic understanding of desire is remarkably sophisticated. Unlike some traditions that categorically reject desire, the Vedas recognize Kama—the pursuit of pleasure—as a legitimate and valid dimension of human fulfillment.
Desire is not inherently problematic; it is our relationship with desire that determines whether it becomes a source of bondage or a doorway to understanding.
Whenever the four fundamental human pursuits are listed, the order is Dharma, Artha, Kama, Moksha.
Yes! Wealth is important. Yes! Pleasure is important. Yes! Moksha is important.
But what guides all these pursuits across societies? Common sense ethics which religious scriptures only confirm.
Dharma, the application of universal values and ethics is the guiding framework for the pursuit of wealth, pleasure, svarga or even moksha.
Kama is a valid human pursuit because it leads to sukha praaptih, the gain of experiential happiness. The fulfillment of desires leads to emotional maturity. A person who felt denied in childhood enjoys buying things at a whim, without looking at the price tag. A person who felt abandoned in childhood enjoys a fulfilling, romantic relationship in adulthood.
बलं बलवतां चाहं कामरागविवर्जितम्।
धर्माविरुद्धो भूतेषु कामोऽस्मि भरतर्षभ।।7.11।।
Arjuna, the foremost in the clan of Bharata! In the strong, I am the strength that is free from desire and attachment. In all beings, I am the desire that is not opposed to Dharma.
Bhagavan says – ‘Bala balavataam asmi, I am the strength of the strong people.’ Developing physical strength requires dedication because strength is a potential which can be brought to manifestation. And what is potential is Bhagavan. So, the strength that is developed is Bhagavän. People are not born with large biceps; they work for them. Even the free will required to accomplish this is Bhagavan. Therefore, that strength which is latent in people and is manifest in the the strong, that strength is Bhagavan.
When it comes to strength, a condition is mentioned because where there is strength, there can always be abuse. Kaama and raaga signify ahankara, the self-concept. Therefore, it is strength that is free from ahankara. If Bhagavän is not appreciated, the person with strength becomes a source of fear. If he has strength and also binding desire, he becomes a ruffian.
We always hear that desires should be removed. It is not possible. Krshna says, ‘aham kaama asmi, I am the very desire.’ Kama, desire, is a shakti, a power without which there would be no creation. Therefore, kamo’smi, I am that very form of desire. And what should this desire be like? It should be dharma aviruddha, unopposed to dharma. The desire that is in keeping with dharma is the expression of Bhagavan.
Bhagavan would have to be a sadist if he gave you the power to desire and then said that you cannot desire. It is illogical to say that one cannot use what has been given.
In fact, the entire Karma section of the Vedas provides a list of the rituals, mantras and meditations one can do, to gain wealth, freedom from obstacles, a child and even svarga.
When aligned with Dharma, desire is not a limitation, but a luminous pathway of transformation, where the individual will merges with the universal will.
Every desire leads to action and becomes a sacred act of co-creation with the divine.
In the Taittiriya Upanishad, Bhagavan’s fullness and abundance is expressed as ‘So Akaamayat. Bahusyaam prajaayeyeti’ He desired. May I become many.
Was Bhagavan lonely and needed a companion? Not at all. Brahman the limitless being, manifested the universe out of pure freedom and abundance, not out of need or a sense of lack.
It is the sheer joy of self-expression, like a radiant sun naturally spreading its light without any compulsion.
Ok, if kaama, desire is indeed a valid pursuit and a privilege then what is the problem?
This is reflected in Arjuna’s question to Sri Krishna
अर्जुन उवाच
अथ केन प्रयुक्तोऽयं पापं चरति पूरुषः।
अनिच्छन्नपि वार्ष्णेय बलादिव नियोजितः।।3.36।।
Arjuna said – Varshneya (Krsna) ! Impelled by what, does a person commit paapa, as though pushed by some force even though not desiring to?
श्री भगवानुवाच
काम एष क्रोध एष रजोगुणसमुद्भवः।
महाशनो महापाप्मा विद्ध्येनमिह वैरिणम्।।3.37।।
Sri Bhagavan said,
This desire, this anger born of the guna-rajas is a glutton and a great paapi. Know that to be the enemy here in this world.
Bhagavan told Arjuna that what impels a person to do an action of päpa is but a thought. A thought itself is not a person; it depends upon a person. The want becomes so powerful and your identification with the want becomes so complete that whatever wisdom may be there, telling you that what you want is not good for you, is silenced. In this way, käma can be very powerful.
Desire is born out of rajoguna alone, rajoguna-samudhbhavau, whereas wisdom is born out of sattva. When rajas is predominant, there is desire. Because rajas is a force, kama is also forceful.
Kama is said to be your enemy, vairi, an enemy being one who does what is not good for you. Kama is inimical to you when it makes you go after things that you do not really want or need, things that you can afford to be without. In this way, it is your enemy.
Kama also has another form – krodha, anger. Krodha is simply another stage of kama. If kama is destroyed in any way, if it is obstructed and not allowed to fulfil itself, then it will turn into anger.
Arjuna was only too well aware of how this can happen. Born of Indra’s grace, Arjuna was considered to be Indra’s son. Indra thought he would reward Arjuna, who had been doing tapas in the forest for a long time, by sending the beautiful Urvashi to him. Urvashi was a celestial damsel, the most beautiful apsara in heaven, and therefore the dream of all men, including the men in heaven. When Arjuna told Urvashi that he did not want to have anything to do with her, that he was already married and that he considered her as a mother, Urvashi became very angry and put a curse on him that he would lose his masculinity and become a eunuch.
Lord Indra intervened on behalf of Arjuna and made Urvashi modify the curse such that Arjuna would become a eunuch only for the period of one year and that he could choose the time when the curse would take effect. Later this curse turned out to be a blessing for Arjuna, since it made him eligible to teach dance and music to the ladies in the palace during the year he was to remain incognito. At the beginning of the thirteenth year of exile, Arjuna opted for the curse to take effect and became Brhannalaa and spent that year teaching dance and music. Arjuna had therefore experienced how desire can turn into anger. When Urvashi’s desire for Arjuna was not fulfilled, it became anger.
A person whose love has been rejected can even become violent towards the object of his or her love. Rejected love means that kaama, want, is there. It is not like the love that one has for the stars, the moon, the sky, and so on. There one’s mind has no demands as to how they should be or should not be. The mind totally accepts these as they are and enjoys them as they are. Therefore this kind of love does not cause any problem. It is not the case with a kaama that is demanding, and therefore binding. This binding kaama can be called by many names.
In the beginning, it is called ‘want,’ then ‘passion,’ and then ‘anger’– all these are born out of rajoguna. Kama as krodha, anger, was referred to here as mahapapma, a great sinner, because it is the cause of those actions that a person regrets for his or her entire lifetime. Such actions have to be paid for and käma alone is the cause.
Who does it? Desire alone does it. There is also a mantra to this effect, chanted by adults and children alike. The mantra is, ‘Desire did it, anger did it. Oh! Lord, my salutations – kamo’ kaarsheet manyurakaarsheet namo namah!’ This mantra is repeated 1008 times on a certain day of the year. It is not just a prayer; it carries a message too. It implies that ‘I did not do it.’
If knowledge is there, there is no problem, which is why Bhagavan said, ‘Understand, viddhi, that this kama alone is your enemy as it covers all your knowledge and learning. As your enemy, kama forces you to perform actions that you know are improper and that you do not really want to do.
The desire does not just sit in your mind or heart like other thoughts. You believe the thought to be so real that the desire must be fulfilled by hook or by crook. It compels, forces and consumes you so much that it clouds all your knowledge and learning and you go against Dharma.
In the Mahabharata, Duryodhana had a binding desire to destroy the Pandavas out of sheer jealousy. He did not think he had a problem. He could have sought wise counsel which was therapy and coaching, in those times.
In fact he is reported to have said,
जानामि धर्मं न च मे प्रवृत्तिः
जानाम्यधर्मं न च मे निवृत्तिः
त्वया हृषिकेश हृदिस्थितेन यथा नियुक्तोऽस्मि तथा करोमि
“I know what dharma is, but I have no inclination for dharma (jānāmi dharmaṃ na ca me pravṛttiḥ);
I know what adharma is, but cannot refrain from it (jānāmyadharmaṃ na ca me nivṛttiḥ),”
You impel me in my heart, and just as you direct I follow that.” (tvayā hṛṣikeśa hṛdisthitena yathā niyukto’smi tathā karomi)
Duryodhana, in his confession, shifts the blame to the Divine, which is our tendency to evade personal responsibility when we are consumed our desires.
Most people who are perpetrators of crime justify their acts of crime. The exceptions are instances of self or other defence.
Even in lighter instances of desire control, the popular commercial for Lays chips says it – You can’t eat just one!
The combination of carbs, oil and salt is perfected so much in that one chip that one wants to devour the entire packet. One cannot seem to control oneself.
Each desire fulfilled—and sometimes unfulfilled—also offers us a mirror to our inner landscape. It reveals our attachments, our fears, our hidden motivations.
Here are some other examples of binding desires.
Insisting that your partner should behave exactly like you wish and threatening him or her with separation from them if they don’t, is a binding desire.
Recognise that both you and your partner are on a karmic journey and are unique because of your respective backgrounds and yet you are building a life together. Mutual respect, Non-hurting, appreciation and accommodation of the other, expression of needs are aligning your Kama with Dharma.
Knowledge illumines the fact that the only one you can change is yourself. If your request is reasonable, you can share your position with your partner and see where it goes.
On a lighter note, how many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? None. The bulb must want to change!
Manipulating your children to follow exactly your life path and suffocating their individual potential and dreams, is a binding desire.
Recognise that your child has come through you but is not your possession. You can point out the pros and cons of possible professional choices but it is their choice to make. In any case with the rapid development in technology, the landscape of professions and jobs is going to change dramatically and we ‘d rather prepare our children for the same.
Obsessively craving promotion and recognition at work and hence badmouthing contemporaries, is a binding desire. Seeing that karma begets karma phala and that this paapa karma of badmouthing will sooner or later, lead to the perception that you cannot be trusted. The knowledge that you are more than the sum total of your desires and delinking your self-worth with work, is important.
Accumulating wealth at any cost, compromising ethical principles and personal integrity to gain more money, is another binding desire.
All binding desires, can be converted into non-binding desires by aligning them with Dharma.
Try to practice the serenity prayer. O Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.
Thus, we see that life is not about suppressing desires but aligning them with Dharma. Just as a river finds its most powerful expression when guided by its banks, human desires find their most meaningful manifestation when contained within the ethical and spiritual boundaries of dharma.
By engaging with our desires consciously, we gradually develop emotional maturity. We learn to distinguish between short term temporary gratification and long term genuine fulfillment.
Desires can be liberated from their force by fulfilling them.
Desires can also be given up, in the light of knowledge born of enquiry.
Desire is likened to fire which is never satiated – the more fuel you offer it, the more it wants. All its tongues are out, demanding more. Therefore, fire is called anala.
There is no such thing as fulfilling all your desires so that after retirement there will be none remaining. There is no such thing as a last desire.
At no time can you say that if you just fulfil your last five desires, everything will be perfect because you will be purna, limitless.
All desires flow from our sense of limitation Desires themselves are born out of apurnatva, one’s sense of being limited. This sense is like a perpetual spring from which all desires flow. New desires will keep flowing to the surface. Even if you have no particular desire at a given point in time, the buddhi will say, ‘You are not even capable of desiring.’ In the face of this new condemnation, you will again feel limited and desire to be free of the limitation
Since your desires are located in the senses, mind, and intellect, you can have complete mastery over them by discovering a distance between yourself and your likes and dislikes. You cannot stay in the mind itself and have mastery over it. The more you go inside, the more reasons you find for why you are the way you are. This exploration may provide you some understanding, but it cannot remove the reason, which is the problem psychology is faced with. Some understanding, some validation, and so on, is useful, no doubt. But if you are always stuck with the same problem, what is the use of this kind of understanding? How can you deal with the problem?
How can you master such a mind?
इन्द्रियाणि पराण्याहुरिन्द्रियेभ्यः परं मनः।
मनसस्तु परा बुद्धिर्यो बुद्धेः परतस्तु सः।।3.42।।
Sense organs are superior to body, mind is superior to sense organs, intellect is superior to the mind. Atman is superior to the intellect.
What is the order involved in mastering the mind
Whatever we master is always mastered from another standpoint, which implies a particular order.
Krshna was addressing this order here when he told Arjuna that those who know say that the senses are superior. The word ‘superior,’ of course, implies comparison and thus the question, ‘Superior to what?’ To the physical body is the response.
The senses, indriyani, are superior to the physical body, which is a part of an individual, a jiva. They are superior because they have the capacity to objectify the body. The eyes and other senses can objectify the body.
Another reason that the senses are said to be superior to the body is because they are subtler in nature. Being subtle, the senses have pervasiveness, vyapakatva. For example, the body remains on the ground, whereas the eyes can go to the stars. To do anything at all, the body has to move, whereas the sense of sight, by simply opening the eyes, has already gone to the stars! Thus, the eyes and other senses are more pervasive than the physical body.
The superiority of the senses is further established by the fact that they are inside the physical body in the form of the subtle body, sukshma-sharira. Then the verse goes on to say that the mind is superior to the sense organs, indriyebhyah para manah, because the mind can go where the senses cannot. For example, the mind alone can go to svarga.
Human beings are possibly the only species that can suffer an imagined hell, which is something that the senses cannot do. Also, the mind is the one in whose hands the senses are. Without the mind there is no sense perception at all. Thus, the mind is definitely superior to the senses. It has access to regions where the senses have no scope.
The mind’s accessibility and the dependence of the sense organs on the mind definitely makes the mind superior, according to those who know.
Again, with reference to the mind, the intellect is said to be superior, manasastu para buddhi, because the buddhi is able to dismiss a doubt of the mind with proper understanding. Buddhi includes your will also. Doubting and vacillation are the mind. Once there is resolve, which is buddhi, there is no more vacillation. You cannot say you have both resolve and vacillation at the same time.
Once the resolve is there, the vacillating mind, the doubting mind, goes away. Thus, the buddhi is definitely superior to the mind. Recognising you are limitless takes care of your kama.
The mind and buddhi are the places wherein kama moves. We have seen how the desire, located in the mind, can be so powerful that it can take the buddhi along with it. Therefore, in order to really deal with your desires, you have to step outside of them. Then you can see exactly where the käma is hiding. This is why Krishna went on to say that the one who is above the buddhi, is Atma, yourself –What Krishna meant here is that, in order to take care of the kamas you have to recognise yourself as the paramatma.
Whatever you can objectify like the world outside, your sense organs, your mind and even your intellect cannot be who you really are. You are the paramatma the limitless.
Once you are awake to this fact, the enemy, kama, is no more a problem. This, then, is how you deal with kama drastically and finally.
When we begin to inquire into the source of our desires, we inevitably encounter our core ignorance—the misunderstanding of who we truly are and hence we can enquire and be free.
When you are free from any sense of limitation, there is no enemy and the wants you may have become harmless, mere privileges in fact.
Your mind is there and you have the privilege of desiring. Desiring is a privilege only when you do not need to fulfil any desire in order to be secure and happy.
Vedanta reveals to us that our true nature is already complete, already whole.
Desires arise from a fundamental misunderstanding of our intrinsic, limitless consciousness.
The path of liberation is not about destroying desires but enquiring into them and seeing that one was always free from them.
Seeing our own unchanging nature which is a witness to changing desires, they transform from demanding masters to occasional visitors, no longer capable of disturbing our inner peace.
This doesn’t mean becoming passive or renouncing life. On the contrary, it means engaging with life more fully, more authentically.
Desires are acknowledged, understood, sometimes fulfilled, sometimes given up, but not blindly followed.
We become the conscious choosers of our experiences rather than being unconsciously driven by them.
I am the witnessing consciousness—the ability to observe desires without getting entangled in them.
As awareness, we see that desires can arise and dissolve without creating turbulence in our inner world.
Moksha or Freedom from a sense of bondage is not the absence of desires but the understanding that we are not defined by our desires.
We are the vast, unchanging consciousness in which desires appear and disappear, like clouds moving across the sky.
So how to decide? To fulfil desires or to give them up?
We fulfil desires by aligning them with Dharma especially if their fulfilment can contribute to the wellbeing, happiness and growth of yourself and the other.
We give up desires by undertaking the enquiry into oneself.
The solution is not an either – or but doing both.
In time we find that we naturally grow out of desires and a lot of our binding desires are reduced to preferences, such that life itself is a luxury and a privilege.
Ignorance and not Desire is the cause of human suffering but it can also be the pathway to ultimate liberation.
Like a double-edged sword, desire cuts through the fabric of human experience, revealing both our fundamental limitations and our potential for spiritual awakening.
The Bhagavad Gita offers a powerful metaphor for desires: they are likened to an immense tree of samsara—the cycle of repeated birth and death. This tree has roots in ignorance, branches of attachment, and leaves of countless transient experiences. Each desire becomes a branch, drawing us deeper into the mistaken notion of separateness, away from our true, unchanging nature.
But through self-inquiry, we can gradually cut this tree at its roots. This doesn’t mean forcibly eliminating desires but understanding one’s fundamental nature.
Each moment of engagement with our desires is a step towards that ultimate liberation—the recognition of our true, boundless nature.
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