#140 Letting (e)go

This is the last story that our beloved guru, Pujya Swami Dayananda ji shared in the midst of his labored breathing and many pauses, at Rishikesh in September 2015. As it is around that time, I felt like sharing it with you all.

Once upon a time there was a highly skilled sculptor. He went to his astrologer and was told that he would die in 6 months. As most people he wanted to avoid death at all costs. He hit upon an idea. He decided to make 9 identical statues of himself which were ready in record time. The sculptor thought his creation would save him. He could hide himself and Yama would never be able to find him. The six months came to an end.

At the appointed time, Lord Yama, the Lord of Death sent his dutas, messengers to take away the sculptor. Being trained and efficient assistants, the yamdutas came to the sculptor’s studio alright but could tnot identify him in the time given. You see they are very busy and had another scheduled appointment close by. Still they went back empty handed to Yamaraja.

Lord Yama who had seen all types of tricks that human beings have used since time immemorial to avoid death, decided to come himself. Lord Yama was now in the studio. As he inspected the 10 sculpted forms he exclaimed , ‘Such perfection! Are they man-made or deva-made? He stood in the center of the theater and said: “What a Srishti, creation, surely no human could create this; surely, it has been created by a devata.

Wonder which devata could make this? It’s impossible.

No human being could create this.”

The sculptor could not hold his breath any longer nor his tongue.

Impelled by the inner pressure he felt he blurted, ” No, Sir, I have created these masterpieces. It was no devata, it was me. I made them all. These are my best work.”

Needless to say, that was all Lord Yama needed and he said, “Aiyeeye..come with me.” 

End of story

The sculptor’s abhimaana, sense of self and sense of pride was too caught up with his identity as a sculptor. He needed the recognition, acknowledgment and validation even when his time was up. 

Did it hasten his death? We don’t know.

Did he resist death?  Yes

Did he acknowledge the laws of nature that made possible the act of sculpting, the role of the tools, the talents and opportunities that were given by Bhagavan in his last moments? No.

Neither has any astrologer told us we have a short life span nor are we the best of sculptors. What we have in common is the dance of the ego. Please note I don’t use the word ‘ego’ as the psychologist Freud used. In every day usage we use the word ‘ego’ as the self-concept. It cannot be mapped to ahankara but comes close. Aham karoti iti ahankara. I do therefore I am.  

When I say ‘I’, what am I referring to?

‘I’ includes my likes and dislikes, my gender, my nationality, my aspirations and frustrations, my profession, who I am related with etc.

This ego which is associated with an assortment of identities cannot stay satisfied for too long.

It is restless because it does not feel enough. It must do something, be something.

It carefully calibrates and manipulates all that can inflate me further and avoids all that can deflate me.

The ego is very fragile too. A few kind words of appreciation and the ego swells up. A few words and acts of criticism or lack of acknowledgement and the ego is deflated.

As the ego I feel good, enhanced and am suitably inflated in buying brands, acquiring something, improving my body-mind-sense complex.

Surely these look like worthy pursuits.

But if we look deeper, the ego itself is a self-concept that cannot exist on its own.  The self concept  cannot exist independent of the self that is you, the Atma.

Due to avidya, ignorance of the self, I identify myself with a form which is the body-mind. Since the limitless is as though trapped in the limited cage called the body-mind it seeks to expand itself. How? By seeking something or the other to feel complete. This explains our compulsive preoccupation with the future. I cannot be present in the moment. It is threatening. Some of you argue, after all, we have to be practical and think about the future. By all means, do. But recognise that if we reduce the present moment as a means to an end, we are only perpetuating the restlessness of the ego by giving it something to do.

The self concept called the ego survives and thrives due to identities.

An identity is just a story you tell yourself based on what you are associated with.

Watch what happens when I say, you are just a person. Some of you challenge it and say, What does that mean? Just a person. No. I am a spiritual seeker.

Just a person. No way, I am juggling too many roles and responsibilities.

Just a person. No. Do you know I have a Ph D?

I, the ego cannot seem to stand independently because its food for thought are thought forms and stories we tell ourselves about ourselves – who we are, why we do what we do, the odds we have overcome, our accomplishments, our aspirations for the future. 

The ego strengthens itself by its favourite game of action-reaction and more reaction. ‘I don’t like this …I don’t like that. You know I am unique.’ By being right I secretly feel superior to the other.

Its continued survival rests on the notion of me against the other so that the sense of separateness is maintained. Hence trust, surrender which smack of the boundaries dissolving are threatening to the ego.

The ego needs to be in conflict with something or someone. There is always something to be and something to do.

The ego will say that it is looking for happiness but will find ways to deny itself as many conditions will be heaped on the sought happiness. I will be happy when…Once that condition is satisfied soon enough, another condition will come up. In this constant becoming we seem to be seeking happiness but we are just postponing it and refusing to be happy with all our conditions.      

The voice in our heads that is pretending to be the real me who never stops speaking and seeking to make sense of the world is the ego.

When you notice this voice, you are the one who is aware of it.

The one who is aware can see the play of the ego and not feed it.

One is the witness presence of the inner state.

You don’t have to chant any mantra or do any aasana or have a special experience to be the witness presence.

It is your nature.

I share another delightful story to show what can happen to the ego.    

A couple of friends who had lost their job in the hotel industry had come upon difficult times. They hit upon a plan so that they could still have a sumptuous feast every night. As per the usual plan both of them, dressed to the hilt walked in to the wedding celebration.  The bride and the bridegroom’s people were near the entrance. The duo congratulated them with much familiarity and warmth. They circulated amongst the guests, making small talk waiting for the time to be announced for dinner. Soon enough the lavish spread of different cuisines was ready and the aroma beckoned everyone. There was a snacks counter with an array of Indian snacks – Idli, Dosa, Upma, Sev puri, Panipuri and so on. Dishes from Southern and Northern Indian, Mexican, Chinese, Thai and continental had also been laid out with much fanfare. The duo made their way to the food counters, generously heaping their plates.

Around this time, the father of the bridegroom who was passing by looked at the duo relishing the food and whispered to his wife who was greeting these other guests – These good looking and friendly duo are not from our side of the family. They must be from the bride’s side. His wife said – Hmm. Let’s find out. She went up to the bride’s mother and quietly pointing to the duo, indirectly said ’ You have such warm, lovely family friends. I am pointing to that good looking and friendly duo who are sitting by the pool having their dinner. Whenever you have a moment please introduce them formally to me. I want to suggest them for a friend who is interested in marriage. One of them might be suitable.’ It was the turn of the bride’s mother to be surprised and she exclaimed, I don’t know them at all. They are neither our friends nor from our extended family. I thought they belonged to your side. Piqued by curiosity both the mother of the bride and the bridegroom approached the duo who were by now enjoying the platter of deserts, telling them ‘It has been so lovely to have you for dinner. Not sure if we have met before. The duo realised that their charade of pretence was soon going to be up. They would be identified soon if the enquiry proceeded. Muttering that they had to rush they quickly rushed to the exit. It was then that the bride and bridegroom’s mothers realised that the duo belonged to neither side and were probably just freeloaders who were out to have a good time.

The ego is a lot like these freeloaders. Drawing its reality from the Atma it associates and relates to the body but when one really enquires into its reality as an independent entity, it does not belong to the body. Neither does it belongs to the mind.

Once we start the enquiry into the ego – Who are you, really? much like the enquiry into the freeloaders, one sees that it does not have an independent reality. It neither belongs to the body nor the mind but masquerades as belonging to both due to ignorance and struts around with an exaggerated sense of self importance. Vichaaram na sahate – The ego cannot stand enquiry and falls apart.

In the light of Vedanta one sees that it was the individual, who due to avidya, ignorance had taken the body-mind to be oneself and overwhelmed by its suffering.

The ego is really the limitless Atma who does not know its own reality and hence identifies with the body-mind much like the freeloaders identified with both sides of the family.

So then on enquiry, does the ego fall apart ? No. Just its reality.

The ego, self concept is first seen by the witness-presence, sakshi. On further enquiry the content of the sakshi is recognised as pure awareness not conditioned by any limited concepts.

Now the ego is an enlightened one in the sense that the person knows its reality but is not limited by the ego. The ego becomes more like a role with the uniform of a body-mind.

One can play the role well, knowing fully well that one is free from the role.

One is ever free from its many identities while having some functional identities to relate and contribute in the world.

Life can be play when you see that,

You are pure being having a human experience.