# 276 Who Shapes your Life Journey? You or others?

It is a courtroom setting. The judge sits at the front, overseeing the proceedings.

You are the defendant, Jeeva, 45 years old who has felt struck by events in life and wants to hold someone responsible for how your life has unfolded.

A preliminary enquiry has revealed 5 witnesses and contributors to Jeeva’s life.

Seated in the witness box, all of the contributors are witnesses to the defendant’s life and are awaiting their turn to testify.

These are

Parents
Friends,
CEO of the company Jeeva worked in,
Romantic Partner,
Social Media

Judge: This court is now in session.

Jeeva alleges that he could not be the master of his life because all of you interfered with it. He says that at different stages, all of you are to be blamed for how his life shaped up.

Jeeva says that nothing in his life went according to his plan.

And so, each of you, the witnesses and contributors to this person’s life, will have a chance to explain your role. Let us begin with the Parents.

Parents: stand up

We are Jeeva’s Parents. He was destined to be our child.

From the moment our child was born, we nurtured and guided him. We took care of all his needs – food, clothing and shelter. We not only provided him bread and butter but also jam and pastries.

We put him in the best school, whatever we could afford at the time. We taught him right from wrong, and instilled the right values. We wanted our child to become successful, earn good money, marry and settle down with children.

Judge (asks) – Jeeva believes that you both were too critical in his upbringing and that there were phases when he felt neglected. He blames you because he has some self-destructive patterns.

Parents (reply) – He would not be here if we were not together. But his life ‘s journey is entirely his life’s journey. We were critical of him so that we could inspire him to do his best. We also had critical parents and we thought that criticising is the normal thing to do.

We cannot be held responsible for how his life has turned out.

Judge: Thank you, Parents.

Looking towards his friends, Judge says – Jeeva alleges that he got addicted to drinking and smoking because of your influence. What do you have to say in your defence?

Friends: stand up

Since childhood we enjoyed the same kind of music, made our kind of jokes and, experimented a lot with everything.

We influenced his choice of college, friends, games and even shaped Jeeva’s self-worth.

For better or worse, our laughter, our judgments, our acceptance and sometimes rejection – shaped the views Jeeva had of himself.

All of us felt the pressure to be and look cool and so took to endless partying, smoking and drinking. We were trying to establish our identity independent of our parents. But soon enough we gave it up as exams loomed ahead and our parents gave us ultimatums.

As time went by, our influence on his life became less. We reject the accusation that his smoking and drinking habit is because of us. Still, he is our friend and we will always be there for him.

By 18 if he is considered responsible enough to vote and shape the future of the country, surely he is responsible to shape his own life.

Judge: Okay.

Looking towards the CEO where Jeeva used to work.

Judge : Jeeva claims that you always imposed the most unreasonable deadlines and he got diabetes and hypertension because of you. What do you have to say?

CEO: stands up Jeeva worked under my leadership for 12 years. I mentored him and invested in his learning and development. Very often he would buckle under pressure but he grew well into his role. Through my demands, my praise, and my critiques, I shaped his professional identity, his work ethic, his very sense of purpose.

Unfortunately, Jeeva like many others defined himself by his work identity and not much else. As a result, he would overwork all the time.

What can I do if he could not have a healthy lifestyle? I am not responsible for Jeeva neglecting his health while trying to manage work commitments. I reject the accusation that I am to be blamed for his lifestyle diseases.

Judge: Okay, Thank you.

Judge: Let Jeeva’s partner come into the witness box now.

Judge Jeeva alleges that you control him and his life. He feels dominated upon and does not feel free to live a life on his own terms.

It is time for you, his partner to speak.

Partner: I am Jeeva’s romantic partner. I met Jeeva in my twenties. Both of us were nursing breakups and struggling in our careers. Our close friendship slowly glided into intimacy and we decided to marry.

We decided to build a life together. I became his confidante, lover, wife, healer and best friend.

Our dreams, our compromises, our conflicts and our lifestyles have shaped Jeeva’s growth.

I know him better than he knows himself. And so I need to give him advice and input all the time.

After all, if I don’t tell him, who will? How will he feel cared for, if I just allow him to do his own thing?

After being there for him in every way, he cannot accuse me of controlling him. Now that is too much.

Judge: Okay Thank you.

Judge – to Jeeva – I see that you have stated Society as one of the accused.

Society includes its institutions, cultural traditions, its collective norms and unwritten rules which exert pressure on people to conform. Society also fosters a sense of belonging.

However, society is too big and amorphous for a representative to be called.

And so we go to the next witness, Social Media.

Judge says : And finally, Social media, please share your perspective.

Social media company representative: I am a representative of x social media company.

The world over, the virtual realm has become an integral part of everyone’s life, shaping their perceptions, their self-image, and their connections with the world.

Through my platforms, my algorithms, and my relentless ability to engage everyone, social media has impacted and made the world better.

We reject all accusations by Jeeva that we contributed to his lack of self-validation or did not bolster his sense of identity.

We did not carry any paid promotions for him to incessantly compare his life with others leading to his misery.

Judge: nods thoughtfully

You have all presented compelling arguments for your respective roles in shaping the life of the defendant, Jeeva. However, it is now time for me to render my decision.

(The Contributors all sit down, awaiting the Judge’ s verdict.)

Judge: After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion, that the defendant Jeeva’s life has been shaped by Dharma. It has been a collaborative venture, with each of you playing a vital role. We must be careful to not confuse causality with co-relation.

Any blame implies causality. When we say that, Jeeva is a certain way because his parents or friends or partner were that way, there is an equation of causality, which is not based on reality. There are many people whose parents were critical but they do not all turn out to critical and self loathing.

The truth is that hundreds of factors play a role in how a person’s life is shaped.

At best, we can say that Jeeva is a certain way because his parents, friends or partner contributed in some ways. Jeeva processes different life experiences by how he co-relates different contributory factors including his freedom of choice to how his life shapes up.

Causality is different from co-relation.

Parents did their duty in laying the foundation of Dharma in the form of care, support, discipline and responsibility.

Friends shaped Jeeva’s understanding and practice of support, reliance and contribution.

The CEO and other work colleages, co-wrote the chapter of strategic thinking, working in teams, financial discipline, and contribution to the company’s outcomes.

The Partner co-wrote significant chapters on love, acceptance, loyalty, accommodation and teamwork.

Although Society is an amorphous term for a few people one is in contact with, society does lay down norms and expectations that shape people’s choices and aspirations.

Social media has become an integral part of the narrative and could have influenced Jeeva’s sense of identity and search for validation to the extent that Jeeva engages with it.

While corporations hold their share of accountability in promoting social media addiction, it was more incumbent on Jeeva to practice self-mastery and focus.

To hold society and social media responsible for shaping his self-worth and preventing him from following his dream is an exaggeration on Jeeva’s part. There is no room for this kind of blame in a free democracy.

In Jeeva’s life journey, his learning and free will gave him the tools and autonomy to shape his own story.

From the moment the defendant was born, he was given the ability to learn. He has used this ability to acquire knowledge, develop his skills and expand one’s worldview.

Through formal education, self-awareness, and the lessons of life, the process of learning has shaped the Jeeva’ s thinking and his problem-solving abilities.

When Jeeva needed guidance and inspiration, he reached out to his role models. Their triumphs and struggles became signposts that the Jeeva followed, or rebelled against.

There are no grounds for Jeeva to blame anyone for how his life turned out.

Ultimately it is Dharma that writes and sustains the script of your life.

Dharma is the eternal, universal framework of principles that governs the cosmos and the ethical foundation of the human experience.

Dharma is both the karma performed by Jeeva and karmaphala, the results of that karma, be it sowing a seed in the garden, making a spaceship or caring for a child.

One does karma in alignment with Dharma.

The karma done by the Jeeva resulted in punya, invisible favourable credits and paapa, invisible unfavourable credits.

Dharma is both the punya and paapa that get converted into experiences of sukha and dukkha for Jeeva.

While the other contributors have played their roles, Dharma has been the constant, the guiding force that Bhagavan has planted into the Jeeva’s heart imbuing his life with meaning, purpose and potential.

This guiding force takes the form of values such as kindness, justice, companionship, efficiency, discipline, support etc – all the values that the different contributors to your life have helped you cultivate.

Jeeva’s life is the paapa and punya of his own choices unfolding every day.

Choices made earlier are his destiny today and choices made today will be his destiny later.

Jeeva always had free will to make choices and forge his own path. Nelson Mandela and Veer Savarkar have proved to us that even when you are physically bound in prison for decades, your mind is free and can soar above the prison of limitations.

While Jeeva’s life may have been shaped by external forces, it is his free will that granted him to do, not do or do differently.

Therefore, I decree that the defendant, Jeeva’s life has been a collaborative effort scripted by Dharma, with each of you playing a crucial role.

However, it is the voice of Dharma pervaded by Bhagavan that will determine how the rest of the Jeeva ‘s life will unfold.

In every situation, Dharma whispers in his ear – what is the most appropriate thing to do in a given situation considering everyone’s happiness and well being?.

Please do not waste time of the honorable court by entertaining such superfluous petitions of blaming the world and not taking responsibility for your life.

Jeeva is sheepish and yet has a wide grin on his face. He has understood that the only scriptwriter of his life can be Dharma.

(The Contributors all nod in agreement and break into an applause)

Dharma

It is a courtroom setting. The judge sits at the front, overseeing the proceedings.

You are the defendant, Jeeva, 45 years old who has felt struck by events in life and wants to hold someone responsible for how your life has unfolded.

A preliminary enquiry has revealed 5 witnesses and contributors to Jeeva’s life.

Seated in the witness box, all of the contributors are witnesses to the defendant’s life and are awaiting their turn to testify.

These are

Parents

Friends,

CEO of the company Jeeva worked in,

Romantic Partner,

Social Media

Judge: This court is now in session.

Jeeva alleges that he could not be the master of his life because all of you interfered with it. He says that at different stages, all of you are to be blamed for how his life shaped up.

Jeeva says that nothing in his life went according to his plan.

And so, each of you, the witnesses and contributors to this person’s life, will have a chance to explain your role. Let us begin with the Parents.

Parents: stand up

We are Jeeva’s Parents. He was destined to be our child.

From the moment our child was born, we nurtured and guided him. We took care of all his needs – food, clothing and shelter. We not only provided him bread and butter but also jam and pastries.

We put him in the best school, whatever we could afford at the time. We taught him right from wrong, and instilled the right values. We wanted our child to become successful, earn good money, marry and settle down with children.

Judge (asks) – Jeeva believes that you both were too critical in his upbringing and that there were phases when he felt neglected. He blames you because he has some self-destructive patterns.

Parents (reply) – He would not be here if we were not together. But his life ‘s journey is entirely his life’s journey. We were critical of him so that we could inspire him to do his best. We also had critical parents and we thought that criticising is the normal thing to do.

We cannot be held responsible for how his life has turned out.

Judge: Thank you, Parents.

Looking towards his friends, Judge says – Jeeva alleges that he got addicted to drinking and smoking because of your influence. What do you have to say in your defence?

Friends: stand up

Since childhood we enjoyed the same kind of music, made our kind of jokes and, experimented a lot with everything.

We influenced his choice of college, friends, games and even shaped Jeeva’s self-worth.

For better or worse, our laughter, our judgments, our acceptance and sometimes rejection – shaped the views Jeeva had of himself.

All of us felt the pressure to be and look cool and so took to endless partying, smoking and drinking. We were trying to establish our identity independent of our parents. But soon enough we gave it up as exams loomed ahead and our parents gave us ultimatums.

As time went by, our influence on his life became less. We reject the accusation that his smoking and drinking habit is because of us. Still, he is our friend and we will always be there for him.

By 18 if he is considered responsible enough to vote and shape the future of the country, surely he is responsible to shape his own life.

Judge: Okay.

Looking towards the CEO where Jeeva used to work.

Judge : Jeeva claims that you always imposed the most unreasonable deadlines and he got diabetes and hypertension because of you. What do you have to say?

Unfortunately, Jeeva like many others defined himself by his work identity and not much else. As a result, he would overwork all the time.

What can I do if he could not have a healthy lifestyle? I am not responsible for Jeeva neglecting his health while trying to manage work commitments. I reject the accusation that I am to be blamed for his lifestyle diseases.

Judge: Okay, Thank you.

Judge: Let Jeeva’s partner come into the witness box now.

Judge Jeeva alleges that you control him and his life. He feels dominated upon and does not feel free to live a life on his own terms.

It is time for you, his partner to speak.

Partner: I am Jeeva’s romantic partner. I met Jeeva in my twenties. Both of us were nursing breakups and struggling in our careers. Our close friendship slowly glided into intimacy and we decided to marry.

We decided to build a life together. I became his confidante, lover, wife, healer and best friend.

Our dreams, our compromises, our conflicts and our lifestyles have shaped Jeeva’s growth.

I know him better than he knows himself. And so I need to give him advice and input all the time.

After all, if I don’t tell him, who will? How will he feel cared for, if I just allow him to do his own thing?

After being there for him in every way, he cannot accuse me of controlling him. Now that is too much.

Judge: Okay Thank you.

Judge – to Jeeva – I see that you have stated Society as one of the accused.

Society includes its institutions, cultural traditions, its collective norms and unwritten rules which exert pressure on people to conform. Society also fosters a sense of belonging.

However, society is too big and amorphous for a representative to be called.

And so we go to the next witness, Social Media.

Judge says : And finally, Social media, please share your perspective.

Social media company representative: I am a representative of x social media company.

The world over, the virtual realm has become an integral part of everyone’s life, shaping their perceptions, their self-image, and their connections with the world.

Through my platforms, my algorithms, and my relentless ability to engage everyone, social media has impacted and made the world better.

We reject all accusations by Jeeva that we contributed to his lack of self-validation or did not bolster his sense of identity.

We did not carry any paid promotions for him to incessantly compare his life with others leading to his misery.

Judge: nods thoughtfully

You have all presented compelling arguments for your respective roles in shaping the life of the defendant, Jeeva. However, it is now time for me to render my decision.

(The Contributors all sit down, awaiting the Judge’ s verdict.)

Judge: After careful consideration, I have come to the conclusion, that the defendant Jeeva’s life has been shaped by Dharma. It has been a collaborative venture, with each of you playing a vital role. We must be careful to not confuse causality with co-relation.

The truth is that hundreds of factors play a role in how a person’s life is shaped.

At best, we can say that Jeeva is a certain way because his parents, friends or partner contributed in some ways. Jeeva processes different life experiences by how he co-relates different contributory factors including his freedom of choice to how his life shapes up.

Causality is different from co-relation.

Parents did their duty in laying the foundation of Dharma in the form of care, support, discipline and responsibility.

Friends shaped Jeeva’s understanding and practice of support, reliance and contribution.

The CEO and other work colleages, co-wrote the chapter of strategic thinking, working in teams, financial discipline, and contribution to the company’s outcomes.

The Partner co-wrote significant chapters on love, acceptance, loyalty, accommodation and teamwork.

Although Society is an amorphous term for a few people one is in contact with, society does lay down norms and expectations that shape people’s choices and aspirations.

Social media has become an integral part of the narrative and could have influenced Jeeva’s sense of identity and search for validation to the extent that Jeeva engages with it.

While corporations hold their share of accountability in promoting social media addiction, it was more incumbent on Jeeva to practice self-mastery and focus.

To hold society and social media responsible for shaping his self-worth and preventing him from following his dream is an exaggeration on Jeeva’s part. There is no room for this kind of blame in a free democracy.

In Jeeva’s life journey, his learning and free will gave him the tools and autonomy to shape his own story.

From the moment the defendant was born, he was given the ability to learn. He has used this ability to acquire knowledge, develop his skills and expand one’s worldview.

Through formal education, self-awareness, and the lessons of life, the process of learning has shaped the Jeeva’ s thinking and his problem-solving abilities.

When Jeeva needed guidance and inspiration, he reached out to his role models. Their triumphs and struggles became signposts that the Jeeva followed, or rebelled against.

There are no grounds for Jeeva to blame anyone for how his life turned out.

Ultimately it is Dharma that writes and sustains the script of your life.

Dharma is the eternal, universal framework of principles that governs the cosmos and the ethical foundation of the human experience.

Dharma is both the karma performed by Jeeva and karmaphala, the results of that karma, be it sowing a seed in the garden, making a spaceship or caring for a child.