#187 Acceptance to the Accepting person (3 of 3)

Let it be clear

I do not hate my past.    

In hatred, there is denial of the past, rejection of the past. I cannot deny my past, much less reject it. The past has happened. It is an already established fact. I cannot do anything to alter the fact.

The problem is that when I reject the past, when I resent anything about the past, I do not accept the past. 

When I criticise myself, I criticise the past. It means I do not accept the past. The more I am able to see how the past cannot change, the more I become free of my resentments, anger, remorse, and so on.

We spend our time and energy resenting the past.

I seek help here because it is one thing to understand the past but quite another to be free from resentment and anger towards it. Prayer does something because there is submission. 

Prayer itself is an action, and its result is called grace. I create the grace. I do not wait for grace to come. I invoke it by prayer. That I pray also produces a result because there is acknowledgment of my own helplessness in the submission.  

If I understand how I cannot change my past, why am I angry? Why do I hate myself? Why do I criticise myself?

Well, I am helpless.

In the acknowledgment of helplessness and in the capacity to pray is my effort, my will.

My will is used prudently in submitting. In submission, it is the will that is submitted, and to submit my will, I use my will. 

One has to see the beauty of prayer. There is no meditation, no ritual, without prayer. There is no technique which can replace prayer because in any technique the will is retained. Here, the will willingly submits and submission performs the miracle. In the submission there is an acceptance. Understand that in the submission there is acceptance of the past.   

I do not change the self-criticising mind. I do not want a mind that will not criticise me or anyone else. It is not the issue for me. All I want is to accept that mind. Let me accept the self-criticising mind. 

When I say I accept my past, then I accept the outcome of the past.  The outcome is self-criticism. I accept the mind as it is. I am not afraid of the self-judging mind, self-condemning mind. I seek total acceptance of the self-criticising mind.       

O Lord

Help me accept 

The mind

The self-judging

Self-criticising

Self-condemning

Self-pitying mind 

Please help me

I submit my will 

Because I have tried 

To use my will 

To change

It did not work

It will never work

I give up

I give up not helplessly

I give up prudently 

And deliver myself

My will

Into your hands

I have no reason for despair

All I seek is acceptance

Of the past 

With its outcome

I am not avoiding self-criticism

I do not seek your grace to stop self-criticism 

I seek your grace

To accept self-criticism.

Acceptance of the past implies accepting the outcome of the past. If there is an innate anger or sadness, it is the outcome of the past. Sometimes anger and sadness are manifest; sometimes they are not. When I want to accept the past, I also accept the outcome.  My manifest anger, pain, depression and so on,  stem from the past. My prayer to the Lord is to help me accept the past along with its outcome. 

I am not interested in changing a given habit of thinking. I am interested in accepting the habit. Acceptance may bring about a change in the habit. If a change happens, it happens, but it is not why I pray. 

O Lord

I pray  for  serenity

To gracefully accept 

My entire past and its outcome.

We use a number of techniques for changing the  condition of the mind. Prayer, however, is not a technique. Prayer is centred on the person, the total person, and it comes from the person who sees very clearly his or her helplessness in a given situation.

I may use techniques but I realise my helplessness because the situation is not centred on my will or even on my understanding. I realise the helplessness of the situation. I give up not to despair but into the hands of the Lord. The whole person that is me submits to the Lord. This is the meaning of surrender, the meaning of the situation, ‘namaste astu bhagavan’, O Lord, may this salutation be unto you.’ 

I see an order. I did not create the order, which is the world.

I am born into the order. I am a part of this order. The order has been; the order is. 

In this order I find myself an integral part. Because neither I, nor any like me authored this order, I appreciate its authorship in a being that is  all-knowledge; in a being we call God, the Lord. The Lord cannot be out there, outside the world, because there is no place outside the world. Nor can the Lord be in a corner of the world, like me. 

If the Lord is the author of the world, the world is not separate from the Lord. The Lord is the maker as well as the material of this world. The Lord being the material cause, the world cannot be separate from the Lord. The order is of the Lord; the order is the Lord. To that order I submit. To the Lord I submit. The Lord’s form includes my physical body, mind and senses. His knowledge includes my knowledge. The power he wields includes my power. The Lord is all. My submission is merely acceptance of the Lord being all.   

As an individual, when I see myself helpless, I seek help from the Lord to gracefully accept what I cannot change. I do not want to change my mind. All that I care about is the capacity to accept gracefully what I cannot change.    

I realise there are a number of things I cannot change, but still I wish they were different. I wish I were born in a different era. I wish I were a male. I wish I were a female. I wish I were born an only child. I wish I had a few brothers and sisters. I wish I had been understood as a child. I wish I had had a home where there was a better order and more understanding. I wish my parents had better means. I wish I had a better education. I wish I had studied when I was supposed to study. I wish I had chosen another profession. I wish this marriage had taken place. I wish my physical body were a couple of inches taller. I wish I had blond hair. I wish I were born in a different society. I wish I had a religion I could own. I wish the concept of God was not of one who punishes. I wish I could pray. 

Even such a wishing mind is one that resists acceptance. Any overt expressed wish, or a lurking, vague wish, any wish at all, with reference to the past, is a will to change what I cannot change.

Even the Lord cannot change what has already happened. I can lose my memory of the past, but all the riches of the experiences would be lost in the process. In fact, I submit myself to the Lord, praying for his help to accept gracefully what I cannot change.       

O Lord

Help me totally 

Accept my entire past

If I have had rounds of births

Help me accept all of them.    

There are different types of acceptance. When I accept the past, what type of acceptance is it?

Is it an acceptance with reluctance? Is it an acceptance with resentment or is it just a plain, simple acceptance?

When I accept with resentment or reluctance, my attitude toward what is accepted is distinct. When I accept totally, the frame of mind is different. A job given to me that I do not like, I accept with either reluctance or resentment. But when someone offers me a flower, I accept it totally with thankfulness and cheerfulness. 

The frame of mind necessary for acceptance is one that obtains when I accept something cheerfully, as I do when I accept certain aspects of nature like the mountains, trees or sky. To understand such a frame of mind, imagine a clear blue sky or a night sky lit up by the moon,  stars and planets, all of them shining, glittering. I do not want the sky to be different, much less the stars, the moon, and those floating clouds and cloudlets. Nor do I want myself to be different. There is total acceptance.  

Here, I am totally objective; my wants, my likes and dislikes are resolved. I do not blame the sky.  I do not blame anything.

I am totally objective. I accept what is.

If I have to accept my past, all these characters, people and situations that comprise my past, played roles in making my past, I accept them as I accept the sky.  Can I, with the same frame of mind, accept the people who played roles in my past? Each one has contributed to my past, to my hurt, to my pain and to my sorrow.  

While I acknowledge their contribution, I cannot afford to blame any of them.

Each one acted as he or she did, because of his or her past.

No one could do more than what he or she did. As a child, I could not do better either. Therefore, I accept the child in me and my interpretation of the various situations. I totally accept each of the people involved. I come to bear upon any given person with the same frame of mind that obtains when I see a clear blue sky.

I accept my mother, her problems, her attitudes and her lack of sensitivity with the same frame of mind. I accept my father, his problems, his habits, his anger, his lack of thoughtfulness. I have no difficulty in accepting their virtues. The problem is only with reference to the person’s lack of thoughtfulness and sensitivity.              

Each person is as he or she can be. No one can be more than what one is.

I accept the fire as it is, hot. I accept it and deal with it. So too, objectively, I accept my father and mother, my sisters and brothers.

All these people who have come into my life, contributing some degree of pain in one way or the other, all of them I accept.  I do it knowing full well that each one has caused me a degree of pain. I do not say they were angels. I do not say they were good to me. I acknowledge their roles in causing me pain. At the same time, I accept them objectively as they are, as they were, my teachers, co-students, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, all of whom contributed their bit to my hurt. I come to bear upon them, one by one, with the same frame of mind that obtains when I look at the sky.     

I may not have the mind that obtains when a flower is offered to me. I may have such a mind later, but for now, all I want is a mind that obtains when I look at the sky, the mountains, the trees, the birds and animals in their own habitat. Just as I look at them objectively, so too, I accept each individual as I recall each of them. It is a thorough process. I do not leave out anyone. I do not blame anyone.

Generally, we blame ourselves. It is another mistake. I do not blame myself. I was totally helpless in my childhood and often helpless in my later years. The personality that was formed in my childhood when I was helpless continued to interpret situations, keeping me helpless. So I am not to blame, nor do I want to blame others. I cannot afford to blame others.  

O Lord

I pray to be given 

A frame of mind

That will totally accept 

Every individual

I have been connected to

And affected by

Each one

Is only as he or she can be

I blame none of them

O Lord

Give me the frame of mind

To accept these people

As they were

As they are 

I do not want to change my past 

Because I cannot change it

I cannot change events

That have already happened

I cannot change 

My responses either

O Lord

All I seek 

Is an objective frame of mind

If not a cheerful frame of mind

Please give me 

An objective frame of mind

So that I can accept

All of these characters 

Who played roles 

In the drama of my life

What a drama! 

I do not want to change the drama

It has already been staged      

O Lord

Let me have the frame of mind 

Which helps me look back

On the whole drama

And each of the characters

Objectively

With amusement

I do not want to change

Any of the events 

Because I cannot change any of them

When I blame…

I want to change

When I complain…

I want to change

When I have resentment…

I want to change

O Lord

Let me have the frame of mind

That will to accept 

All of these characters

And my responses to them. 

When I accept something, what do I do? Is it just a sentence, ‘I accept?’ A mere sentence does not imply acceptance. Sometimes I accept something without saying so.

Acceptance implies a certain attitude on my part.

When I accept something, I give it the freedom to be what it is.

I do not want the thing to be different from what it is. 

Acceptance implies granting freedom to the object of acceptance to be what it is. In giving freedom I do not demand the object be different from what it is. The mere word, acceptance, without understanding its implications does not help.

I accept a child as the child is. I accept a tree. I accept the sun, the moon. I accept a bird, its colour, its behaviour. I accept a chemical as it is. I accept sugar as it is. I accept poison as it is. Acceptance does not imply that I have to use it.

In acceptance, there is objectivity. I let things be as they are.    

With reference to my past, however, I do not let it be as it is. I do not accept it because the past has caused me pain. Due to my helplessness I subjected myself to pain, to hurt. Therefore, the painful past is not acceptable to me.

Can I bring myself to accept the past?

When I bring myself to bear upon the past, can I be the same person that I am when I accept the sky?   

How do I accept the sky? What frame of mind do I have when I accept the sky? The same frame of mind I bring to bear upon my mother and father, whether they are alive or not. In the same way, I accept my friends, my relatives, employers, my grand parents, my children and my partner in life. Individually, I accept every one of them because I give them the freedom to be what they are.  I do not blame the sky because it is or is not blue. 

I bring the same person to bear upon those with whom my life has been cast. They are all different characters in the drama of my life. I free myself from blaming any one of them. I blame no one, nor do I blame myself.  

O Lord

Please give me 

The serenity

The clarity

To accept gracefully

What I cannot change

And change what I can

I cannot change the past

For it has already happened

But I can change my attitudes

My understanding

I can bring about a change

In my attitude

Towards the world

By widening

My understanding

Let me change 

What I can

O Lord

Grant me the wisdom 

To know the difference 

Between what I can

And cannot change  

In so many words, I pray.

Om shantih shantih shantih