#217 Transforming fleeting experiences into lasting inner resources
You are standing on a rock watching the swirling turquoise green blue waters of Ganga ji below. You hear the soft laps as she touches the rocks and quietens downstream. You raise your head and look around. The sheer contrast of the colors – clear blue skies, the snow-capped mountains in the distance bathed with a golden hue, brown jagged cliffs with textures and patterns, the green foliage at a distance, all look so stunningly beautiful. You hear the birds chirping away as some fly past you. One dives into the water. You hear the rhythmic movement of Gangaji below you. The weather is very pleasant.
You feel one with everything that you experience. For that one moment, there is no sense of separation between your body and the forms that you experience. It is almost like your body has melted away and merged with all that you see, hear, feel and touch. You are one with Ganga. You are one with the mountains. You are one with the birds. You are one with the cliff. You are one with the weather. In total harmony. You feel truly happy. This feeling of oneness lasts for a few hours until you get into an argument with the autorickshaw driver about the price of the ride. You have returned after your vacation, back to the grind, as they say. As you gaze at the screen, your mind often drifts and remembers that time.
All of us have these unforgettable, memorable experiences – darshan of the resplendent devata in a temple, being in the arms of your loved one, holding your little child, a samadhi experience, laughter with friends at the school reunion, a relaxing massage, swimming in a lake, spending time with a guru. Rich experiences that enhance our sense of security and well-being.
Somehow richness or networth or wealth is only associated with the money we have. Sure, money buys us necessities and comforts, contributes to feeling secure and prepares me for financially challenging situations.
Might we be rich because of the experiences we had?
Might we be rich because of the values of Dharma that we live by?
Might we be rich because of the blessings we can count?
Might we be rich because of the time I have freed up because of the way I have structured my life?
The problem with experiences is that they are fleeting no matter how exalted or mundane they are.
Yet we can change a fleeting experience into lasting inner resources – our memories, our values and our learnings.
We can mine an experience for the precious gems that are covered by the impurities.
A state of experience can be changed into having the trait or quality which can further be changed into behaviour.
State – Trait – Behaviour
States of feeling are often activated in special experiences but they are not sufficiently installed in us and hence we find ourselves longing for those experiences.
Let us play with something now.
We will explore having a useful experience, the extending of this experience so it lasts, the sense of absorbing it, of really registering the experience and installing it into our system. We could also say that we can encode into the neural structure of the brain.
So, you sit comfortably, Eyes open or closed.
First step is to have a positive experience. See if you can find something pleasant or beneficial in your experience right now. Perhaps a relaxed sense of breathing, or feeling warmth towards others, or some gladness about good things in your life such as the food you ate or the walk you had. You are not straining or stressing to make something positive happen. You are just shifting attention to something positive and pleasant that is already present in your experience. It is possible that there may also be unpleasant, uncomfortable aspects to your experience, and that’s alright.
Simply find and become aware of one thing that is positive and pleasant.
Second step, when you find something positive, extend your experience of it. Stay with it. Keep your attention on it. Help it last. Return attention to it if it wanders.
Open to it in your body, let it become a full experience.
Positive experiences can be mild or subtle, and still pervade the mind.
And third step, which overlaps the second one: Absorb this experience, intend and sense that it is sinking into you. Like water into a sponge, or a jewel into the treasure chest of your heart.
Or simply knowing that this experience is becoming a part of you.
You receive it and let it in to your system. Notice how you feel right now.
We are present with what is.
Let us try another round.
Round 2
First step, have a positive experience. This time think of something in your life these days – an ongoing condition or a recent event – that you feel glad or grateful about. It could be a seemingly small or simple thing. Maybe something nice happened recently, or you have enough food, or you have a friend who likes you, or a nice pet, or you recently accomplished or completed something. Once you identify what this is, see if you experience all aspects of it.
Any experience includes sounds and sights, tastes, smells and touches, the moment to moment flow of thoughts, feelings, memories, images, desires and behavioral inclinations
As you think of this pleasant situation in your life you allow your body-mind to experience all aspects of it, mild or strong. Stay with it. Keep your attention on it. Open to it in your body, let it become a full experience. Without stress or strain, see if you can help it become even fuller, even more intense.
And third step, which overlaps the second one: absorb the experience, intend and sense that it is sinking into you. Receiving it, letting it in. As you are sinking into it, it is sinking into you. Notice how you feel right now.
We are present with what it is.
Let us try another round.
First step, having a positive experience, this time think of someone who you know that cares about you. It could be a person, a pet, or Bhagavan. The relationship does not need to be perfect. But you know you are cared about. Being cared about has different aspects, any one of which is ok. It could be someone that makes you feel seen, understood . . . or included, liked, appreciated, or even loved. And it could be knowing that you are cared about by a group of people. If other thoughts come up, of not being liked and so forth, notice them and then bring attention back to someone, or to a group, that you know cares about you. And then let the knowing of this fact that you are cared about become a feeling of being cared about.
Second step, when you start having an experience of feeling cared about, even a mild one, extend it. Stay with it. Help it last. Keep your attention on it. Open to it in your body, let it become a full experience.
Without stress or strain, see if you can help it become even fuller, even more intense.
And third step, which overlaps the second one: absorb the experience, intend and sense that it is sinking into you. Receiving it, letting it in. As you are sinking into it, it is sinking into you. Notice how you feel right now.
We are present with what is.
Let us try another round.
Ok, Round 4
First step, having a positive experience, this time think of a core value that describes you – truthfulness, compassion, generosity, hard work, discipline, contentment – any of the samanya dharma. Bring to mind the time that you embodied and fully lived this value. Feel the sensations in the body when you expressed this value in your behaviour. Your thoughts and feelings were as a result of applying the particular value in a given situation.
Second step, when you start having an experience of living the value, even mildly, extend it. Stay with it. Keep your attention on it. Open to it in your body, let it become a full experience.
Without stress or strain, see if you can help it become even fuller, even more intense.
And third step, which overlaps the second one: absorb the experience of you living the value, the effects on you and others, intend and sense that it is sinking into you. Receiving it, letting it in. As you are sinking into it, it is sinking into you. Notice how you feel right now.
We have considered 4 situations. We have –
Looked for good facts in your immediate situation
Looked for good facts in current events in your life
Look for good facts in people caring about oneself
And
Looked for values in one’s own character.
Further, what we have done in 4 situations is –Activate-Install-Change state to trait
Activate – Bring to mind a positive and pleasant experience. We approach these experiences with an attitude of receptive appreciation without trying to hold on to them.
Install – Allowed ourselves to experience it. Here we mined the experience to install into our body-mind system.
State – Trait – What was a useful and pleasant experience is now a part of me, my inner resource. Perhaps it was acceptance, surrender, gratitude, wisdom. Hence, I can draw upon these again and again when required.
While both states and traits are important, states are fleeting and quite affected by external circumstances, traits or your qualities are more enduring and less affected by external circumstances.
If you discover and build up your positive traits, your peacefulness, happiness, contentment and acceptance grow deep roots.
You take them with you wherever you go.
Traditionally it is often said that what you think about and dwell upon, you become.
Your mind takes the shape of the object/thought – vrtti vyaapti.
Bhagavan Krishna speaks of the importance of abhyaasa, repetition/practice in trying to master one’s mind. So does Rishi Patanjali in his Yoga sutras.
Neuroscience supports the practice of repetition in saying that ‘neurons that fire together wire together’. Repeated patterns of neural activity build pathways and lasting neural structure in the brain.
The pathways then become yours to walk on and become default pathways/grooves for thoughts to flow through.
If one rests one’s mind repeatedly on regrets, resentments, self-criticism, negative ruminations, over-reactions, pointless worries and complaining, the patterns created in the mind are patterns of oversensitivity, vulnerability to anxiety and depressed mood, narrow focus on threats and losses, inclinations toward anger and sadness, feelings of inadequacy and emptiness.
On the other hand, if you rest your mind repeatedly on the little good things in daily life (flowers are blooming, chocolate tastes good, you have a home), on accomplishments, nice moments with others, caring acts of others, dharmika qualities in the other, the mind will gradually take a different shape, one with strength, care and resilience hard-wired into it.
This is taking a proactive meta approach to all experiences in life rather than only thinking about which experiences to maximise or minimise. You are not passively waiting for experiences to happen but proactively making the most of all your experiences. As a result, there will be a good regulation of emotions, a realistically optimistic outlook, a sense of worth, and a wanting to contribute to the world.
As fleeting as experiences are, we proactively mine them to discover valuable treasures about ourselves, our traits, our qualities, our values and our blessings
We will discover how rich we are in all ways, not only in wealth but in character, our learning and our Dharma. And to think of it, it all started with mining our experiences and converting what was valuable into our values.
Our values make us richer as they make us happy and secure. People are happier around us. Dharma protects the one who protects it. Dharma and values enrich the one who lives the values on a day-day basis.
When we share our riches of learning, our qualities, our Dharma with the world, the world is much the richer for our presence and our gifts.
