#126 How to deal with overwhelming situations
The last year of the pandemic was such that all of us experienced being overwhelmed at many levels. The health care system not to mention the economy of every country was overwhelmed by the sheer number of patients requiring care. Once we ramped up our capacities and tapped into some resources we were better able to deal with the situation.
Any overwhelm occurs when the situation far exceeds our own capacities and resources.
At a personal level too, we face overwhelm all the time. And yet all of us recover from that overwhelm. What is it that works for us?
A disease strikes. The immune system is overwhelmed. The cells don’t build up the overwhelm by saying – Oh my God..Oh my God… Oh my God.. They don’t build up a reaction that further overwhelms them. They do what they can and most times we are able to overcome the disease or the health condition is managed. There is an inherent intelligence in the way they function.
One can never be overwhelmed by one’s own breath. In fact during overwhelm we hold our breath, the heart races, there is tightness in the chest, stomach or other parts and one feels momentarily like one’s hands are tied. And yet you take a few breaths and there is a relaxation response in just a few moments. Such is the beauty and the glory of the human body that is pervaded by Bhagavan.
How we handle overwhelm has a lot to do with thinking clearly, viveka and dama, a mastery over our sense organs.
Long before we can have nityanityavastu viveka, a discerning ability to think about what is eternal and what is temporary is the ability to think about situations objectively.
Is this dharma or adharma?
Is this urgent or important?
Will this improve the quality of mine and other’s lives or not?
Will this decision be painful for the short term or for the long term?
Questions like these are important and the ability to think through these help to determine the quality of our lives.
The Vedic tradition talks about dama, one of the qualities for adhikaritvam, a preparedness for Vedanta. Dama: is defined as chakshuradi bahya indriya nigraha – mastery over the external sense organs as the eye, etc. Our sense organs are sincere, innocent and faithful reporters. The eyes faithfully report whether you are watching the sun rise over the mountains or a documentary of war crimes. The ears report sounds whether you are listening to Vedic chants or foul, abusive language. The nose reports smells whether you are walking through the Duty free area of the airport selling perfumes or you are passing by a garbage dump. The tongue reports different flavours and tastes whether you are checking if the food has become stale or you are tasting fresh, delicate flavours. The same applies to the skin which reports hot, cold, soft, hard and so on. The information our sense organs provide to us is neutral. The new series on Netflix is not imploring you to binge watch it nor is the pizza begging your tongue for it to be eaten.
We are called upon to build dama, mastery every time we make decisions about what we see, eat, taste, smell and touch and how much we see, eat, and so on.
Mastery of our sense organs does not mean suppression or denial.
Our sense organs are a gift to us, a blessing by which we engage with the world.
As a master we use our sense organs and don’t allow what we consume through them to dictate terms to us.
Dama is practised in the clamour and overwhelm of our everyday lives and not just escaping to the garden or sitting in a meditation hall designed to reduce external sounds. If we don’t have mastery then what we heard and what we saw keep playing on our mind. We are not available to the present.
We are not available to Vedanta which is what is.
You switch on the news channel or scroll down your news feed. How can there be breaking news every minute? But still the media channel due to its own compulsions announces it and as unthinking consumers we fall for it. It is easy to be overwhelmed because the truth is that we cannot handle all the disasters happening at one time – in some place there is a fire, in another place there is an impending cyclone, in yet another place the hospital has run out of supplies. If you are not a journalist or don’t work in the media, the question we need to ask and answer for ourselves is – By watching this news more than 30 minutes is it going to improve the quality of my life and the lives of people who matter to me? If we are sufficiently updated then it is time to switch off and focus on your work. We have walked some steps in our mastery.
When it comes to work again there is information overload. We are bombarded by – 3 things you must know, 10 things you should do and so on. The force of the words suck us into the vortex of consumption and FOMO – the fear of missing out. In every area of work there are developments and updates. Some of it may well be necessary. When it comes to articles to be read, courses to be done, videos to be watched it is worth asking – Will this offer me some insight, some perspective, some tools – something that will improve the quality of my work? We need to discern the difference between ‘nice to know’ and ‘necessary to know’. It is nice to know a lot but if one spends too much in that quadrant then there is no more time or attention left for us to focus on the ‘necessary to know’. We can accordingly act and walk some steps in our mastery.
We complain that we are busy and don’t have enough time. Yet how is it that the entertainment industry and OTT platforms are the fastest growing industry in the world? Besides Netflix, Amazon Prime, there is Disney Hotstar and I have lost count not to mention the 700+ channels on the cable network. There is exciting entertainment out there and one can truly enjoy it on one’s own terms and when one has the time. Most people have a busy work day and then seek entertainment as an escape which is okay but then what ends up happening is bingeing leaving one with compromised sleep day after day. If Viveka and dama are important then the question to ask is – How is this entertainment improving the quality of my life and the lives of the people who are important to me? Is it an activity for us to do together or an escape to not talk to each other or is it just time-pass? Life is far too precious and short to be doing time-pass. If the programme is offering some relief, some delight, some humour, some perspective then sure by all means, go ahead. The question then, is how much entertainment is enough? By asking this question and acting on it we have walked a few steps towards our mastery.
At home the tasks to be done seem to ever increase that it is easy to be overwhelmed. And yet we manage it by becoming more efficient. The different appliances in the kitchen whether the blender, mixer, cooker, instant pot have all reduced the time that cooking required. Other tasks are managed by delegating to support staff or by sharing responsibilities around the house. It is easy to be get overwhelmed by the work professional role and not lift a finger to help around the house. But neither is this good for the work in the long run nor for the family. Sharing responsibilities around the house does not come by barking orders and issuing threats but by discussing what needs to be done and asking family members how they can pitch in. It is nobody’s fault that so much work is to be done but everyone’s responsibility. A good opportunity to practice viveka and dama as we walk a few steps towards mastery.
On the one hand it seems that there are situations that overwhelm us and on the other hand we overwhelm ourselves by taking on too much because we want to prove to the world and ourselves about how good we are. Working is enjoyable but overworking and constantly feeling overwhelmed is a sign that we need to restore balance.
Secretly we battle the feeling of ‘I am not enough’ and so one feels compelled to take on more and then collapsing because subconsciously one has now earned one’s rest.
Sometimes by taking on too many tasks we deny others the responsibility that is theirs to shoulder.
It helps to remind oneself that tomorrow is another day.
Being a master requires us to carefully calibrate how much we take on, share, delegate and rest. By thinking through and with the application of dama we walk a few steps towards mastery.
Whatever be the situation of overwhelm we feel we are losing our footing. But if we build a strong foundation of thinking clearly, viveka and dama, using our sense organs well, depending on the age and stage in our lives, then we will find our footing again and again.
The foundation of mastery that we stand on becomes stronger by the building blocks of using our sense organs with care and objectivity across situations.
The foundation becomes stronger because every moment we have an opportunity to begin again and we use our opportunities well.
The foundation of mastery serves us as we embark on the journey of mastery – walking one step at a time, one breath at a time many times.
Our own lives are brilliant reminders of how we managed to deal with overwhelming situations and have emerged triumphant on the other side.
Very often we can be our best inspiration.
It is time to dig into those moments of treasure, into those moments of our own Viveka, thinking clearly and our moments of dama, mastery over our sense organs.
If we have been able to handle one overwhelming situation surely it is possible to handle a few more.
Handling the different overwhelming situations always makes you bigger than the situation because your response frees you from the limitations of the situation.
Our life journey is full of such moments. These moments can be the treasure providing us the strength we were looking for.
