#242 Is Ego the enemy? – ArshaVidyAnanda

Bruised and battered, the ego went to bed in a heap of self-betrayal, lies and agony. The ego thought that Vedanta would offer some answers but all attempts at reading and watching spiritual videos had not helped.

And as the sun was beginning to rise, the ego had a dream, where it was speaking to the self- luminous Atma.

Atma: Namaste Ego, Looks like you have been struggling lately.

Ego: In different spiritual circles, they say I am the enemy. I am blamed for all kinds of conflicts, insecurities, and struggles – both internal and external. I cannot live with myself nor with anyone for a long period of time.

What do I do?

Atma: First things first, just relax. You are not the enemy. I repeat, The Ego is not the enemy.

Ego: Then who is?

Look, Atma, I do appreciate your words, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m the source of all the problems.

Atma: Let us undertake an enquiry into who you are. Only then we can ascertain if indeed you are the enemy or someone else is.

In psychological terms, the ego refers to the conscious self, the part of an individual’s identity that is aware of itself and its surroundings. You try to balance the person’s desires and societal norms.

From a Vedantic standpoint, the best Sanskrit equivalent for you is Ahankara, aham karta iti ahankara. I do therefore I am. So, you are because you identify with the body and mind. You hold the mind, decision and memory together.

However, since there is self- ignorance, you just grab whatever you associate with.

I am short (You take the quality to be you),

I am running(You take the action to be you),

I am a mother (You take a relation to be you),

I am male (You take a gender group to be you)

Really speaking, you are me, the Atma – the unconditioned, boundless I.

Ego: Are you criticising me? I am very sensitive to criticism. Even gurus don’t spare me. I constantly need to feel worthy and valuable. What should I do?

Atma: As long as you believe you are the body and mind you will always feel not enough. You cannot escape wanting to feel validated all the time.

Ego: Are you cursing me?

Atma: (laughing) I am just pointing the truth. The truth sets you free.

Atma: You have a very important role.

As the Ego you form and maintain a coherent sense of identity.
You consolidate the thoughts, feelings, and experiences into a unified self-concept.
You process sensory information, assess risks and rewards, and make decisions based on a complex interplay of desires, emotions, and rational thinking.
As the ego, ahankara, you integrate the person’s achievements and positive qualities providing with a sense of self-worth.
You are the one because of which the person can pursue goals with determination and resilience, ultimately contributing to growth and success.
You protect by guiding people away from potential harm and towards opportunities for growth and fulfillment.
For example for a person considering a new career path, you as the ego is responsible for evaluating the pros and cons of such a decision, considering factors such as financial stability, personal interests, and long-term aspirations.
You can recognize mistakes, adjust your behavior and evolve.

Critics of the ego often argue that it leads to selfishness, and a sense of superiority. While this does happen, they are not inherent traits of the ego itself, but rather the result of not aligning with Dharma.

In fact, a well-balanced ego promotes empathy and compassion by fostering a deeper understanding of oneself and others.

In Vedanta we see you as a necessary instrument that allows to navigate the human experience.

The ego gains adequate strength to engage in self-inquiry and spiritual practices, eventually leading to the knowledge of one’s true nature which is other than ego-based identification.

Ego: Wow! I feel great.

What about emotions? I feel like I am always on a rollercoaster ride of emotions – sometimes calm, sometimes irritated, sometime disgusted, sometimes excited, sometimes loving, sometimes enraged, sometimes depressed, sometimes bored. Overall, I am restless.

Atma: You are trying to gain a sense of worth and identity by holding onto that which is changing. You will feel shaky.

Ego: I was just starting to feel good and now you are making me feel even worse about myself.

Atma: Emotions are part of the human experience. It’s natural for you to feel them. Infact, it would be surprising if you did not feel them. But they need not control us.

You can allow yourself to express emotions, see their strength, channelise emotions that are elevating such as love, happiness, gratitude and wonder and then you won’t see emotions as a problem.

When you observe emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them, you’ll find a sense of freedom from them.

You have the emotions. They do not have you.

This freedom from emotions doesn’t mean suppressing emotions but rather responding to them from a place of clarity and balance.

Atma: You are the one that is aware of all emotions. Emotions are changing. You are not, right?

Ego (hesitantly): What about humility and selflessness? I am supposed to cultivate them, right? Won’t my importance be reduced?

In any case, Life is a struggle. I have to really fight for my place in the world otherwise people just walk all over you.

Atma: Humility and selflessness don’t require you to disappear. Instead, they ask you to align yourself with your understanding of Bhagavan. The more you see that everything including this body-mind are given to you, the more you can relax.

You never try to become humble. If you do, you will bumble around in the slush of arrogance saying that ‘there is no one as humble as me’.

Just think of yourself as a hollow vessel for all experiences.

You perform your svadharma by relating to different people as your offering unto Bhagavan.

You also learn to accept that people and experiences are unfolding as prasad according to the laws of nature pervaded by Bhagavan.

From the need for validation, you move into a greater harmony with the world honoring your connection with others.

Atma: As the ego, you experience a sense of separateness and hence suffering. There are times that you want to connect and there are times that you want to retain your identity. Right?

Understand that the separateness you feel is just a feeling.

Your form of the body-mind-senses is made up of the same space, water, air, fire and earth like the other beings and hence you are sustained by space, water, air, fire and earth.

You are relating to all forms all the time. You are always connected.

Ego: I am afraid to transcend myself. Then what will remain of me.

Atma: You need not transcend yourself. If you transcend yourself then who will be left behind? As the Atma I cannot be transcended.

Just know yourself.

Knowing the truth of yourself does not mean transcending or erasing you completely.

You were designed to fulfill a specific purpose in the grand tapestry of life.

Ego: So, what is my purpose then? If I’m not the enemy, what am I supposed to do?

Atma: Your purpose is to build a sense of identity, engage with experiences and learn from them.

Ego: So, you’re saying that I’m not the enemy but a tool for growth and learning?

Atma: Exactly. You’re not the enemy, Ego.

Without you, no learning or interactions can happen.

Play your part and do not be enslaved by the demands of the body-mind.

You create problems when you mistake yourself for the ultimate reality. Then due to the constant identification with the body-mind-roles, you create a cycle of desires, attachments, and suffering. You strive to find lasting fulfillment through external means.

Understand that the ego is like placing a pot in space.

Space continues to be boundless but the pot-space does not recognise its abiding nature as space because of identifications with its form. Then the pot space laments that it wants to have self-realisation of space.

My dear Ego, you can be a friend because you can have the tenacity to undergo the process of self-inquiry (atma-vichara) and discover the Atma as your true self.

By observing your thoughts, emotions, and experiences, you will see that your sense of separateness is a product of the mind.

You will learn to gradually detach from obsessive identifications.

You will learn to give up your obsessive dependence on situations, outcomes, information, people and have equanimity unaffected by success or failure.

You will make space for the recognition of our true nature.

Your purpose is to catalyze your spiritual growth, leading to seeing the interconnectedness with all of existence and our inherent divinity.

It’s through understanding yourself that we unveil the truth of our existence—the realization that we are not mere individuals separated from the whole, but expressions of the infinite consciousness that is the basis of the universe.

My dear Ego, You would have served your purpose well.

Rather than outright rejection, you have to understand yourself.

As a popular song went – Free your mind and the rest shall follow.

Atma: Also, you will continue to be there both for the wise and the otherwise person.

Ego: Really? Wise people also have ego.

Atma: Yes but they use it as a necessary tool for navigating the world.

Even the amoeba has a sense of self, ego all important for survival.

If wise people are hungry, they will own up the hunger and not put food into your mouth.

Wise people see the ego as mithya, valid and useful to interact and teach but that which is neither independently existent nor non-existent.

Ego: Wow, this was amazing! I am not the enemy. In fact without me, no growth or moksha would be possible.

Atma: If you as the ego are fully understood you will see that,

I am you.

The Ego ‘s limitations and defences crumbled and resolved into the golden light of the Atma.

The dream ended, as the Ego woke up, lighter as fullness, ready to embrace all of life.

Podcast transcripts

Bruised and battered, the ego went to bed in a heap of self-betrayal, lies and agony. The ego thought that Vedanta would offer some answers but all attempts at reading and watching spiritual videos had not helped.

And as the sun was beginning to rise, the ego had a dream, where it was speaking to the self- luminous Atma.

Atma: Namaste Ego, Looks like you have been struggling lately.

Ego: In different spiritual circles, they say I am the enemy. I am blamed for all kinds of conflicts, insecurities, and struggles – both internal and external. I cannot live with myself nor with anyone for a long period of time.

What do I do?

Atma: First things first, just relax. You are not the enemy. I repeat, The Ego is not the enemy.

Ego: Then who is?

Look, Atma, I do appreciate your words, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m the source of all the problems.

Atma: Let us undertake an enquiry into who you are. Only then we can ascertain if indeed you are the enemy or someone else is.

In psychological terms, the ego refers to the conscious self, the part of an individual’s identity that is aware of itself and its surroundings. You try to balance the person’s desires and societal norms.

From a Vedantic standpoint, the best Sanskrit equivalent for you is Ahankara, aham karta iti ahankara. I do therefore I am. So, you are because you identify with the body and mind. You hold the mind, decision and memory together.

However, since there is self- ignorance, you just grab whatever you associate with.

I am short (You take the quality to be you),

I am running(You take the action to be you),

I am a mother (You take a relation to be you),

I am male (You take a gender group to be you)

Really speaking, you are me, the Atma – the unconditioned, boundless I.

Ego: Are you criticising me? I am very sensitive to criticism. Even gurus don’t spare me. I constantly need to feel worthy and valuable. What should I do?

Atma: As long as you believe you are the body and mind you will always feel not enough. You cannot escape wanting to feel validated all the time.

Ego: Are you cursing me?

Atma: (laughing) I am just pointing the truth. The truth sets you free.

Atma: You have a very important role.

As the Ego you form and maintain a coherent sense of identity.

You consolidate the thoughts, feelings, and experiences into a unified self-concept.

You process sensory information, assess risks and rewards, and make decisions based on a complex interplay of desires, emotions, and rational thinking.

As the ego, ahankara, you integrate the person’s achievements and positive qualities providing with a sense of self-worth.

You are the one because of which the person can pursue goals with determination and resilience, ultimately contributing to growth and success.

You protect by guiding people away from potential harm and towards opportunities for growth and fulfillment.

For example for a person considering a new career path, you as the ego is responsible for evaluating the pros and cons of such a decision, considering factors such as financial stability, personal interests, and long-term aspirations.

You can recognize mistakes, adjust your behavior and evolve.

Critics of the ego often argue that it leads to selfishness, and a sense of superiority. While this does happen, they are not inherent traits of the ego itself, but rather the result of not aligning with Dharma.

In fact, a well-balanced ego promotes empathy and compassion by fostering a deeper understanding of oneself and others.

In Vedanta we see you as a necessary instrument that allows to navigate the human experience.

The ego gains adequate strength to engage in self-inquiry and spiritual practices, eventually leading to the knowledge of one’s true nature which is other than ego-based identification.

Ego: Wow! I feel great.

What about emotions? I feel like I am always on a rollercoaster ride of emotions – sometimes calm, sometimes irritated, sometime disgusted, sometimes excited, sometimes loving, sometimes enraged, sometimes depressed, sometimes bored. Overall, I am restless.

Atma: You are trying to gain a sense of worth and identity by holding onto that which is changing. You will feel shaky.

Ego: I was just starting to feel good and now you are making me feel even worse about myself.

Atma: Emotions are part of the human experience. It’s natural for you to feel them. Infact, it would be surprising if you did not feel them. But they need not control us.

You can allow yourself to express emotions, see their strength, channelise emotions that are elevating such as love, happiness, gratitude and wonder and then you won’t see emotions as a problem.

When you observe emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them, you’ll find a sense of freedom from them.

You have the emotions. They do not have you.

This freedom from emotions doesn’t mean suppressing emotions but rather responding to them from a place of clarity and balance.

Atma: You are the one that is aware of all emotions. Emotions are changing. You are not, right?

Ego (hesitantly): What about humility and selflessness? I am supposed to cultivate them, right? Won’t my importance be reduced?

In any case, Life is a struggle. I have to really fight for my place in the world otherwise people just walk all over you.

Atma: Humility and selflessness don’t require you to disappear. Instead, they ask you to align yourself with your understanding of Bhagavan. The more you see that everything including this body-mind are given to you, the more you can relax.

You never try to become humble. If you do, you will bumble around in the slush of arrogance saying that ‘there is no one as humble as me’.

Just think of yourself as a hollow vessel for all experiences.

You perform your svadharma by relating to different people as your offering unto Bhagavan.

You also learn to accept that people and experiences are unfolding as prasad according to the laws of nature pervaded by Bhagavan.

From the need for validation, you move into a greater harmony with the world honoring your connection with others.

Atma: As the ego, you experience a sense of separateness and hence suffering. There are times that you want to connect and there are times that you want to retain your identity. Right?

Understand that the separateness you feel is just a feeling.

Your form of the body-mind-senses is made up of the same space, water, air, fire and earth like the other beings and hence you are sustained by space, water, air, fire and earth.

You are relating to all forms all the time. You are always connected.

Ego: I am afraid to transcend myself. Then what will remain of me.

Atma: You need not transcend yourself. If you transcend yourself then who will be left behind? As the Atma I cannot be transcended.

Just know yourself.

Knowing the truth of yourself does not mean transcending or erasing you completely.

You were designed to fulfill a specific purpose in the grand tapestry of life.

Ego: So, what is my purpose then? If I’m not the enemy, what am I supposed to do?

Atma: Your purpose is to build a sense of identity, engage with experiences and learn from them.

Ego: So, you’re saying that I’m not the enemy but a tool for growth and learning?

Atma: Exactly. You’re not the enemy, Ego.

Without you, no learning or interactions can happen.

Play your part and do not be enslaved by the demands of the body-mind.

You create problems when you mistake yourself for the ultimate reality. Then due to the constant identification with the body-mind-roles, you create a cycle of desires, attachments, and suffering. You strive to find lasting fulfillment through external means.

Understand that the ego is like placing a pot in space.

Space continues to be boundless but the pot-space does not recognise its abiding nature as space because of identifications with its form. Then the pot space laments that it wants to have self-realisation of space.

My dear Ego, you can be a friend because you can have the tenacity to undergo the process of self-inquiry (atma-vichara) and discover the Atma as your true self.

By observing your thoughts, emotions, and experiences, you will see that your sense of separateness is a product of the mind.

You will learn to gradually detach from obsessive identifications.

You will learn to give up your obsessive dependence on situations, outcomes, information, people and have equanimity unaffected by success or failure.

You will make space for the recognition of our true nature.

Your purpose is to catalyze your spiritual growth, leading to seeing the interconnectedness with all of existence and our inherent divinity.

It’s through understanding yourself that we unveil the truth of our existence—the realization that we are not mere individuals separated from the whole, but expressions of the infinite consciousness that is the basis of the universe.

My dear Ego, You would have served your purpose well.

Rather than outright rejection, you have to understand yourself.