#273 Why Role models are important for our spiritual growth
In one of the sessions of my Svadharma course, Vikram S remarked – I pray that I walk the path of Dharma like Sri Rama despite all his difficulties, that I have the shakti and bhakti of Hanuman, that I serve in my job like Bharata, that I have the loyalty and love for my brother like Lakshmana, that I can be a spiritual warrior like Arjuna and at some time have the wisdom of Bhagavan Sri Krishna. Whenever I am down and out, I think about any or all of my heroes. I think about what they would do in my situation. I imagine how they would advise me. Sure enough! A lot of answers emerge.
Inspired, the other participants enriched the discussion by adding who their role model was and the quality that that person/devata stood for.
Much before we discover Bhagavan through the many stories, prayers and stotrams embedded in the way of life, or even our gurus, we find and look up to our role models.
A role model is someone whose behaviour, accomplishments, or character serve as an example to you and as a result that person holds a significant place in our lives.
From devatas to iconic figures in history to our Gurus to our mentors to our everyday heroes in our communities, role models come in various forms, each offering unique insights and lessons that shape our journey towards personal growth and fulfillment.
Whether we are consciously aware of it or not, we are constantly influenced by those we admire, aspire to be like, or seek guidance from.
How do role models shape our growth?
Role models provide inspiration and encourage aspiration: Role models inspire us and show us what is possible through their achievements and actions.
In the 1950s, after walking a distance of 170 kms from Rishikesh to Uttarkashi in the Himalayas, Swami Chinmayananda ji was turned away by Tapovan Maharaj, a Vedanta teacher as he did not have a reference letter. Swamiji could have been angry and could have walked away. But his mumuksha, desire to study with a guru was so intense that he did not bat an eyelid. He promptly walked back the entire distance, got a letter from Swami Chinmayananda ji, walked again to Uttarkashi. When Swamiji handed over the letter to Tapovan Maharaj, he did not even glance at it. Clearly Tapovan ji was testing the mettle of his new disciple. How intense was his desire to learn? Would he survive the harsh climate where only about 4-5 adult disciples lived with the guru, bathing in the icy cold waters of the Ganga, cooking food or surviving on food from the nearby ashrams only so that one could study and do sadhana of Vedanta?.
And then when we contrast our lives with the lives of our saints and Acharyas we see we have so much access. And yet we are quick to complain about inconveniences. In comparison to our role models, any effort that one needs to make, is so little.
Who are the people who inspire you to do your best and blossom? Think about it.
2. Role models set standards – Role Models set standards in our chosen discipline that we admire and seek to emulate.
Jagadguru Adi Shankaracharya captured in writing the entire teaching tradition by writing the bhashya/commentary on the Bhagavad Gita, Upanishads and Brahmasutras. His bhashya included – the contextual meaning of the words, the meaning of the verse, the connection to other verses in the text or even other texts, possible objections to the understanding of the verse and a clear reply to the objection, thereby ensuring crystal clear understanding. He set the standards for how Advaita Vedanta is to be taught and we were deeply blessed to have our contemporary Shankaracharya in the form of Pujya Swami Dayananda Saraswati ji.
In setting the standards our role models also guide us what is not to be done. No illustrations/maps of the Atma to be made. Vedanta cannot be reduced to a bunch of concepts which fill up the mind but the heart remains untouched and empty.
The way in which Pujya Swami Dayananda ji unfolded a verse continues to be the golden standard for clarity which his disciple students seek to emulate.
Who are the people in your life who have set standards for you in the area of Health, Wealth, Relationships or Vedanta? Think about it.
3. Role models provide guidance and mentorship: Role models provide guidance and mentorship based on their own experiences and what would be most suitable to you.
While working in the development sector, I would reserve my privileged leave for camps in Rishikesh so as to learn from and meet Pujya Swamiji every year. Every so often I would experience an existential crisis of whether I should continue doing this amazing work of seva touching the lives of thousands of street children or quit my career and take to Vedanta full time. I would discuss this often with Swami Brahmavidananda ji and he would advise me to continue with the career, offering me perspective and supporting me with my decision making processes.
Every year in Rishikesh, Pujya Swamiji would enquire about my work and often say, ‘Your seva is very dear to my heart. Keep doing it. You are studying Vedanta anyway. Come when I start a course’.
At that time, it did not seem fair and with a mix of reluctance and commitment to the work, my restlessness would be assuaged, to only surface again, in a few months time. In hindsight, the application of Karma Yoga relentlessly to a high-pressure career alongside other commitments shaped my adhikaritvam and led to significant contributions in the sector. If I had quit the 15 year career a little earlier, it would have still been ok but the struggle would have been a lot more.
Who are the role models in your life whose wisdom helps you navigate challenges and make informed decisions in your personal and professional lives?.
4. Role models uphold Dharma: We learn about how values of Dharma are consistently upheld by our role models despite challenges. Their integrity, resilience, compassion, and other virtues help to shape our own dharmika compass.
Ahilyabai Holkar in the 18th century, who was the widowed queen of Indore, went on to establish a thriving kingdom in a largely patriarchal society. The Holkar family was known for avoiding using public cash to meet their personal and family expenses. Ahilyabai donated money from her personal resources to charity. Despite other equally rich rulers of Bharat who had the capability of restoring our temples which had been plundered by the invaders, Ahilyabai Holkar revived and restored many of our sacred kshetras such as Kashi, Mathura, Gaya, Somnath, Dwarka, Puri and others.
From wanting to jump into the funeral pyre after the death of her husband to gathering herself with the support of her father in law, fighting the British forces and using the wealth of the kingdom to build our civilisational wealth – what bravery, what integrity, what a commitment to Sanatana Dharma. In fact if one has visited Kashi Vishvanatha temple it is said that the Shiva linga shifted a little bit to the side from the centre where it was placed, closer to where Ahilyabai Holkar would sit in meditation. Such was her bhakti that she drew Bhagavan closer to her!
In recent times, sportspeople like Roger Federer, Virat Kohli and others have become role models for hard work, determination, commitment to excellence which are aspects of Dharma.
Perhaps your own parents of grandparents are role models of Dharma who had to brave many odds to raise a family in a new city and a new culture embodying duty to Dharma and resilience. ,
Who are your role models who embody different aspects of Dharma – fearlessness, compassion, fortitude and accommodation?
5. Role models expand our perspectives: Exposure to diverse role models with different backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints broadens our perspectives.
When I look back at when the desire to become a monk took root in this lifetime, I am reminded of Sr Clemy, an unconscious role model. She was one of the nuns in our school who would teach us in the third standard. Knowing that nuns had sacrificed their families to come and teach us in distant lands, devoting their life to Jesus, without a salary and yet being so giving, generous and cheerful, she inspired me.
Forty years later I bumped into Sr Clemy at a hospital. She was delighted to see me, now a monk. When I asked her what she was doing in the hospital, she told me about the mandatory check ups following her recovery from cancer. She said,’ I got cancer because Jesus felt that I had not surrendered to life enough. Instead of allowing Jesus to run my life, I was trying to run my life.’ Understanding exactly what she said we smiled and laughed and hugged.
Here is a small excerpt of a hymn I requested her to sing.
Although Sr Clemy is from a different religion what she shared about surrender in her own way is a universal lesson and teaching about surrender. It made me reflect on the times when I have resisted surrender.
Role models from different backgrounds help us appreciate the richness of human diversity and foster accommodation of others.
Who are your role models who have different backgrounds from yours and have expanded your perspectives?
7. Role models build our Confidence and Self-Efficacy: We often say – If he/she/they could do it, so can I.
Role models demonstrate that success is attainable, regardless of our background or circumstances, encouraging us to believe in our own capabilities.
8. Role models drive Social Change: Role models can be catalysts for social change by challenging societal norms and advocating for justice and equality. So many of the freedom fighters for India’s independence – Subhash chandra Bose, Mahatma Gandhi, Sardar Vallabhai Patel, Veer Savarkar, Lokmanya Tilak and other unsung heroes made many personal sacrifices to lead social change inspiring generations to follow after them and even now. They inspire the generations to question the status quo and strive for a better world, encouraging activism and community involvement.
Who are these role models?
How wonderful it is that every time you are in need of that extra dose of inspiration or you want to set some standards or you are looking for guidance or you want an expanded perspective or you want to align with Dharma, you can up and towards your role models.
Perhaps we can pause and think of all the role models of our lives so far.
We can also add to our army of support by consciously choose our role models today, which is a deeply personal process.
It involves identifying someone dead or alive whose qualities, achievements, or actions resonate with us on a profound level, inspiring us to strive for similar greatness or guiding us through life’s challenges.
It is entirely possible that one may admire a person for a particular quality and strive for that but not admire other qualities. In recent times Steve Jobs was admired for his creativity and innovation and continues to inspire many but he was not seen as great at people management.
However, the process of selecting a role model extends beyond mere admiration; it requires discernment, introspection and not blind emulation. to ensure that the individual aligns with our values and aspirations.
The Stoic philosopher Seneca urges people to choose a role model or exemplar to provide a standard to live by:
The mind should have someone whom it can respect—someone whose authority might make even its inner shrine more hallowed.
Happy is he who can so respect a man that the very memory of that man can calm and direct him!
He who can thus respect another will quickly be respected himself.
Choose someone whose life and speech pleases you, and who displays outwardly the same character he has.
Present him to yourself always as your guardian or exemplar.
There is need, I insist, for someone against whom to measure our way of life; unless you have a ruler, you can’t straighten what is crooked.
In the Gita, Bhagavan Krshna reminds Arjuna about his duty to fight by citing the example of Janaka, a successful king who also had self-knowledge. King Janaka and others like him were involved in managing a kingdom and hence a variety of karma, kartvaya karma, to be done karmas.
As wise men who had gained moksha, they were not renunciates and had no intention to do the same as their prarabdha had bought them to a unique situation of leadership. They were clear that performing karma was not against moksha even though being a limited means, it could not produce mokña.
Arjuna was an accomplished warrior, the best archer in those times and the way he would conduct himself would set the standard for all who admired him. Pointing to how people in positions of power become role models for others,
Bhagavan says,
यद्यदाचरति श्रेष्ठस्तत्तदेवेतरो जनः।
स यत्प्रमाणं कुरुते लोकस्तदनुवर्तते।।3.21।।
Whatsoever an important person does, that alone the other people do. Whatever that person sets as proper, the world of people follows that.
Shreshtha is the one who is considered to be important by other members of the society, a leader to be reckoned with. Yad yad acharati, whatever that person does in terms of how one lives, how one acts, and reacts to the variety of situations encountered in day to day life, others looking for guidance follow them.
People are always looking for role models consciously or unconsciously. Whatever that person looks upon as the standard is what they follow. Here the word pramana is not a means of knowledge but the measure of what is right and what is wrong.
This verse is a reminder that our lives are never ours alone.
Since we are in positions of power and leadership in our homes, groups and offices, may we pay attention to what we do and may we use our power well to lead change.
On a lighter note, the mother yelled at the daughter – You are such a rebel. Do you always have to oppose what I say? And the daughter quietly smiled and said – I am just following in your footsteps as your obedient daughter.
Our children, families, colleagues, team members and the society at large are watching consciously or unconsciously emulating us.
No one aspires to be a role model. And yet the exemplary way in which we lead our lives results in some of us being seen as role models to others.
Seneca adds, “Happy is he who can improve others not just when he is in their presence, but even when he is in their thoughts!”
