#170 Vedanta is not an escape from life

There is something magical about an escape.  An escape during the long commute into the rhythm of our playlist, getting away for the weekend, checking out social media, practising the musical instrument, meeting friends, checking out the new series. After our escape, we can return to what we were doing, energised, more relaxed, with a better perspective and a delightful freshness.

We move across different spheres of life. We move from the comfort of home into the work day into meeting friends or move from the comfort of our work situation into a stressful situation at home. At work we move away from the awkwardness of meeting a new colleague into the cocoon of our trusted friends. This movement across situations is a constant.  

Every day, we come across something unpleasant which we don’t want to face – a conversation about finances, running errands, going to work, one more meeting at work, activities of your loved ones that are of no interest to you, social engagements and so on.

To fortify yourself to face unpleasant situations we seek help from others, brace ourselves to face it and so on. If one is a student of Vedanta one seeks refuge in the teachings or unknowingly one escapes from one’s responsibilities into Vedanta. Let me give you two examples.

35 year old Priti is working on an innovative product of crinkle free fabric for a start up company. She enjoys the research but hesitates to pitch her ideas to Angel investors. She is a good communicator and her small team is depending on seniority and experience to network and engage with other peers in the industry. But Priti  being an introverted person procrastinates and tells her team that they have to make the product perfect. Her team is getting frustrated because they are running out of capital. Priti recently got introduced to Vedanta classes and delights in the timeless teachings. She is almost sure that she wants to retire soon and devote her time to full time studies.  Every time she listens to the teachings, she gets a glimpse of her own reality and feels elevated. She questions her leanings towards more wealth building and laments over her binding desires. Recently, a new VC funding round was announced and her industry mentor strongly recommended that their company apply for funding. This made her very uncomfortable. She would now have to  meet new people who would question her, evaluate her product etc. What did she do? She enrolled in a new Vedanta course because she ‘wanted to be above all these worldly transactions’, in her words.

It is obvious that Puja is using Vedanta as an escape from life. The Yoga shastra aspect of Vedanta calls upon us to increase our kaushalam, our competence in performing actions aligned with Dharma, which in this case, means playing the role of a start up founder which most definitely includes networking – something that she hates doing.

Priti vehemently declares – Our work should speak for itself.

When she mentioned this to me I said – Your work may speak for itself and you too have to speak for your work.

Priti said – But I am not a sales person. I feel cheap selling the product.

It was my turn to say – Let’s get a few things straight. Do you want to put the product in the market? Yes or No?

Most definitely yes. 

Is your product an ethical one? Yes

How will it help people? People will enjoy having crinkle free bedsheets and not have to iron them after washing. This will be especially useful in hotels and hospitals. It will save electricity and time.

Do you have the money to hire a sales person or spend for advertising? Not yet.

Then do you have anyone else in the team who can Pitch your product to the investors?

Then my dear Puja you have to do this.

Do understand that you have a dvesha, an aversion to interacting with people. I agree it does not come naturally to you. You find it fake and not genuine but a part of karma yoga is kaushalam, stepping up to increase your skills and attitude aligned with your dharma as a start up founder. Is n’t it? 

It is like entering the soccer field for a game of football and complaining about the rules. One understands the rules and plays the game. If you are the goal keeper you cannot say my personality is introverted and not suited to defending the ball. Of course in life, we have a choice about continuing our roles. 

So, your Dharma for now is to also network with clients and potential investors and in time you will become comfortable at it or get enough money to hire someone who can do the job. Recognise that your discomfort is a part of the laws of nature which are pervaded by Ishvara. Your efforts may work or may not. In any case, the results are shaped by Ishvara and so we gracefully accept, learn and improve.

Ok, Priti?

Reluctantly she said – Yes.  

You are greater than the role but to see that we need to fill up the role and not avoid some parts of the role. That avoidance finds an escape into some other activity including Vedanta.         

42 year old Amita had been married for 20 years with a daughter who was in college now. She had been incompatible with her husband since the very beginning and could not handle his vile temper and abuses. There had been a few instances of violence too.  Her own daughter would tell her to divorce her husband that is, her own father. But Amita was financially dependent on him nor did she feel confident enough to get a job and move out. She started to listen to Vedanta due to a friend’s recommendation and loved the teachings. It has been two years now and she seeks escape from her loveless life in Vedanta classes. She asked – Are there some teachings that will help me accept and not resist my husband’s behaviour?

I had to clarify that samatvam, cheerful acceptance is not about accepting adharma, ways that are harmful. She needed to step up and increase her kaushalam in not accepting behaviour that is adharmic. So many options were possible – recognising husband’s triggers, being assertive rather than slipping into servile submission, insisting that he seek therapy, elders of the family speaking to him or she threatening to walk out, checking for an astrological remedy or seeking a part time job so that she could build some savings of her own. Rather than focus on increasing her competence on these fronts she was seeking an escape in Vedanta.

It is one thing to deal with a problem. Quite another to diagnose the right problem. Focusing on increasing her kaushalam, competence in trying to get a job, standing up to the husband would require her to stop wallowing in ‘Why me’? and take responsibility for the rest of her life.

Sometimes we can just acquire new vocabulary but our vision of life does not shift. What was earlier my fate, is now prarabdha karma. The struggle continues.          

Through these stories we can be alert to whether we seek refuge in Vedanta or we seek an escape into Vedanta. The two sound similar but are not. One seeks refuge in something higher while we seek escape in something out of avoidance.

There is no need to dodge things one is averse to, rather Vedanta calls upon us to look at these as dveshas and to still perform Dharma based actions.

No, it does not feel pleasant initially. You no longer seek refuge in feeling good all the time.

Instead, you seek refuge in Dharma, goodness for all beings.

You seek refuge in Ishvara who manifests as Dharma.

The refuge in Ishvara is really an abidance in the limitless being that you always were. 

This is possible because Vedanta is about embracing all of life.

Vedanta is about you who pervades your entire life.

Then Is it really possible to escape from life?