#286 I am NOT the body-mind (the right way to do the enquiry)
- Posted by SwaminiB
- Categories Podcast transcripts, Vedanta
- Date 9 July 2024
- Comments 0 comment
Student: I have heard the Vedanta teaching that I am not this body or mind. , but I don’t understand what it means.
My body and mind still exist. How can I say, ‘I am not this body or mind’?
Teacher: In English, the word ‘not’ indicates an absence, whereas the word ‘not’ or ‘na’ has six different meanings in Sanskrit.
Understanding this is key to how you do the Vedanta enquiry.
This is a slightly technical discussion. Are you ready for this?
Student: Okay
Teacher, In Sanskrit, to indicate ‘na’, we add ’a’ as a prefix to the word. I will give you six examples of six words.
In the word, अपुरुषः apurushah – the literal translation will be ‘not a man. However, the meaning is someone who looks like a man but is not a man
अ as a prefix is used in the sense of सादृश्यम् = Looks like that, but it is not that
In the word अभोजनं (abhojanam) – the literal translation will be no food and here, the meaning matches. It does mean absence of food.
अ as a prefix is used in the sense of अभावः = Absence, non-existence
In the words – पटः अघटः – The cloth is not a pot, the literal translation will be not a pot, or absence of a pot but the meaning is the cloth is ‘other than’.
अ is used in the sense of difference. अन्यत्वम् = Different
In the word अनुदरी कन्या – the literal translation means a girl who does not have a stomach, but that does not make sense. Here the meaning is a girl who has a very tiny waist. अ is used in the sense of अल्पता (Alpata)= Incomplete, inadequate, too little
In the words अधनं चर्म्मधनं – the literal translation will be no wealth from wealth of leather skin, but that does not make sense. Here, the meaning is wealth derived from leather (or animal skin), which is considered lowly wealth.
अ is used in the sense of अप्राशस्त्यम् = Inappropriateness
In the word avidya – the literation translation will be the absence of knowledge. So when we say a person has avidya or ignorance, it does not mean lack of knowledge. Absence of anything cannot really cause problems? But it does. Why? Here अ Used in the sense of विरोधः = Opposite
Unless one has this background, we will blindly translate ’not’ as an absence.
Mano buddhi ahankara chittani naa ham – I am not the mind, the intellect, the ego nor the memory.
But the word, ‘Not’ does not mean an absence. It means I am other than the mind, the intellect, the ego, the memory.
Don’t worry if you don’t remember everything I said. Let me apply this to the enquiry.
We start right where we are. Let us look directly at your present experience. We set aside any acquired beliefs.
What does that refer to when you say “I”? What do you know yourself to be, beyond any doubt?
Student: Well, when I look, there is the sense of being this body sitting here and the thoughts and feelings appearing in the mind. That’s what I am.
Teacher: Yes, that is the conventional assumption. But let’s probe deeper. Consider your body. Do you experience it as an object appearing in your awareness, or are you identical to the body?
Student: Hmm… Now that you point it out, I see that I’m aware of bodily sensations. The body is something perceived.
Teacher: If you are aware of the body, it means that there is you and the body. Right? Don’t we often say, ‘My body’ or ‘My phone’ or ‘My experience’?
Our language, too, reflects that I am different from my body. Yes?
Student: I suppose so.
Teacher: Good. Thoughts like the memory of a meal or the thought of your to-do list appear in your mind. Are you identical to your thoughts or are you aware of your thoughts?
Student: I am aware of my thoughts.
Teacher: If you are aware of a donkey, do you become a donkey?
If you are aware of a microbe, do you become a microbe?
Student: It sounds funny. I do not become a donkey nor a microbe.
Teacher: Then, how can you be identical to your thought if you are aware of it?
You are always other than what you observe.
Student: Hmm …(pondering over this)
Teacher: Let’s move our attention to emotions. Are you identical to your emotions – cheerfulness, fear, anger, sadness, excitement, disgust or are they too experienced by you?
Student: Logically speaking, these emotions are experienced by me. But when I feel intense emotions, I and the emotions are identical. There is no space, no difference whatsoever.
Teacher: Let’s say, if fear was identical to you, your very nature, then you would be experiencing fear all the time. But you also experience courage, right? Remember that time when you gave the job interview despite fear of failure. So you experience fear sometimes and courage sometimes.
Student: Yes. I am a very emotional person. I am constantly moving from one emotion to another.
Teacher: And you can describe what you feel at different times of the day. If you were your emotion, it would always be present. Like heat of a fire is always present and does not change. The fact that you experience different emotions at different times means that you are other than your emotions.
What about your sensations? Are you always feeling warm or cold?
Student: Sensations of tingling, warmth, cold etc come and go.
Teacher: Okay, So you are experiencing the body, thoughts and sensations. These are changing all the time and are you aware of them?
Student: Yes
Teacher: What you are aware of, are all objects appearing in your awareness. They are experienced by you, but are not you yourself.
Other than thoughts, perceptions, emotions, memories, sensations, is there anything in your experience that is not an appearing object?
Student: I am not sure. Only the awareness that the objects appear to, I suppose. But I’m not sure I really know what that awareness is.
Teacher: Awareness is the presence in which all experience appears. It is the core of what you are. Is there ever a time when awareness is not present?
Student: No, even if there are no perceptions or thoughts appearing, there is still an aware presence. Between the two thoughts, awareness itself remains
Student: Does that awareness itself ever change or come and go?
When you see a picture of the galaxy does the awareness that is you expand? When you see a picture of a microbe, does the awareness that is you, shrink?
Student: No. No, it’s always just present and aware. It does change. It does not seem to be modified by what it knows. The contents of experience change, but the knowing of them remains the same.
Teacher: Does the awareness have any observable qualities or limits? A shape, size, color, age, or location?
Student: No, I can’t find any qualities. It’s not a thing that can be observed or pinpointed. It has no boundaries.
Teacher: Did you go to University to earn this awareness? Did you have to prove yourself to the world to be worthy of this awareness?
Student: No
Teacher: Is it a part of you? If so, it can be amputated.
It is not a part of you, it is not a quality subject to changing.
It is not a process that will start and finish.
Awareness is not a theory that is to be practiced. Awareness is not an abstract principle.
It is YOU
Student: Hmm…I am Awareness as presence as being.
With respect to objects, I am aware of them. In the absence of objects, I am awareness. I am other than my body, mind.
Teacher: So, you, as the awareness, are not limited to the body or mind at all. We use the word ‘consciousness’ also interchangeably with ‘awareness’.
If you were local to the body, then you cannot be aware of the body. You would be trapped by space and time.
Teacher: You are awareness not bound by your body-mind. How is it to recognize this open, boundless presence that you are?
Student: It feels very spacious and free, not confined to the body-mind at all. There’s a deep peace to it. But I’m not sure how to reconcile this with ordinary life, where I seem to function as a person.
Teacher: The recognition of your true nature as awareness is not a negation of the body-mind or world, only of the belief that body-mind is identical to what you are.
In saying you are not body-mind, the person is not denied or cancelled or destroyed.
When the word ‘not’ is understood as absence, it seems scary although it provides temporary relief from suffering.
We mean that you are other than the body-mind which are seen as mere appearances in awareness. The body-mind is an instrument through which is aware because of your awareness.
Bring the recognition of your true nature into your daily life by asking yourself: Is there anything happening right now that is not an appearance in the awareness that I am?
Keep seeing yourself as that awareness in which changes occur.
The mind will likely continue to identify with ideas of I am what I experience as body-mind at times out of habit. When this happens, don’t consider it a failure. It is only a momentary clouding of your true nature like the clouds that seem to obstruct the bright sun.
Pause and reaffirm that I am other than what I am aware of. With repeated seeing, the old habits and beliefs will gradually fall away.
I am aware of all that is changing. See this clearly.
Student: I find it difficult to maintain this understanding in activity, when I’m involved in work or relationships. I get caught up in the experience.
Teacher: You are aware of getting caught up in the experience, which still means that Awareness is already effortlessly present in and as all experience and yet Awareness that is you in untouched in all the experiences.
Remember, the goal is not to have some special experience of awareness all the time.
Simply keep returning to the recognition of your real nature as often as you can. It is a subtle shift to the reality of who you are. It is not a state to achieve.
Be especially alert to the moments when you are suffering, believing yourself to be a limited person.
Suffering is a signal that you are identifying with changing and passing conditions.
Ask yourself:
Can the awareness that I am ever really be harmed or diminished? What is really suffering here?
The body-mind may be suffering and if anything needs to be done, please do so. The body-mind are manifestations of Bhagavan and as their trustees, we look after them.
Student: When I look, I see that as awareness I’m inherently free of the suffering, even if there is pain or difficulty in the body or mind. The ‘I’ that I had taken myself to be is seen to be a kind of story.
Teacher: Yes, the apparent separate self is not absolutely real. It is simply a misidentification with the body-mind and a resulting sense of separation and lack. Your being is the wholeness of awareness itself, not an image appearing in it.
You are whole, purna, complete in and of yourself.
When there is a sense of separateness or lack, see that it is only an arising thought, not the reality. Meet all appearances with the openness and peace of your true nature.
Student: This feels like such a radical shift of perspective. I’m a bit afraid of what it will mean for my life. Will I still be able to function normally?
Teacher: The body-mind will continue to function naturally as always. In fact, it will function more harmoniously, without the sense of resistance and separation imposed by the belief in being a limited self.
What drops away is unnecessary anxiety, defensiveness, and seeking for fulfilment in external things.
You will find yourself acting more spontaneously and fearlessly, with less concern for personal outcomes. Relationships become easier, as there is less need to protect and defend yourself all the time.
So don’t be afraid. The only thing lost is an error, and what is gained is the joy of your own being, the being that can never do away.
Trust that life will reorganize itself effortlessly around this new understanding. We apply the understanding of Dharma and Karma Yoga to all our actions.
Student: Hmm. I will try to see this reality.
In the light of the Sanskrit meanings, you spoke of earlier –
I am not the body-mind does not mean I look like the body-mind.
I am not the body-mind does not mean an absence of the body-mind.
I am not the body-mind does not mean that there is less of the body-mind
I am not the body-mind does not mean that I am the opposite of body-mind.
I am not the body-mind does not mean that I am inappropriate.
I am not the body-mind can only mean I am other than the body-mind. These belong to me. I am more than the body-mind.
Teacher: That is all that is needed. Be gentle and patient with yourself. The conditioning of separation runs deep, so don’t expect an overnight change.
Sages have worked on this for lifetimes. Just keep turning your attention back to the ever-present reality of aware presence that is you. Again and Again.
This is not a technique or method. This is reality of who you really are.
Remember, you are that awareness, that source from which all experiences arise, and in which they are all accepted.
Abide knowingly as that, and let life unfold in its own natural way.
Teacher: Your mind might rebel and say I am awareness but..Then you can say, I am awareness and I am aware of all the objections the mind raises. In time all of this will be resolved.
The objection is a thought that appears in the awareness that I am.
I would recommend that you set aside 5 minutes in the day where you can keep your eyes open or closed. Allow thoughts, emotions etc to emerge and just observe. Do not label or evaluate whatever emerges.
See that ‘I am awareness in which all forms appear’.
Try it. Get on with the rest of your day aligning with Dharma and applying Karma Yoga to different situations. Please refer to previous episodes on Karma Yoga if you are new to this episode.
I am here if you need a guide by the side.
The truth is you can never be away from who you are – Awareness presence which is boundless.
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